By her reaction I wouldn't say you overstepped it. But maybe now is the time to step back a bit and let her make the move in that direction. Good for you for taking a chance. Think about it like you're first dating again...you don't always know what reaction you're going to get...but you have to take the plunge sometime!
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so I do my best to make her feel safe and loved,
What I would give to feel this way again. Sorry...had to throw my own little pity party in there!
So glad your night went well Brit. J~
M 35 H 29 M 4 yrs T 9 yrs D 3 S born 10/19/07 Bomb 09/10/07 Separated next day OW - broke up and H moved out 09/07/08 Status - still figuring this out
By her reaction I wouldn't say you overstepped it. But maybe now is the time to step back a bit and let her make the move in that direction. Good for you for taking a chance. Think about it like you're first dating again...you don't always know what reaction you're going to get...but you have to take the plunge sometime!
W isn't going to make my moves right now - She's unhappy, sick, exhausted and just totally burned out. She pretty much won't do anything but the minimum right now unless I drag her into it, although she really does not resist much when push comes to shove. She didn't even remember who was supposed to take D tonight and ended up calling me at about 5:30 to ask if I was going to get her. I don't know entirely what is going on with her right now, but I get the feeling she is going through a lot of emotional turmoil.
So far my advances haven't yielded any negative responses. I have a good idea where the line is with her, and I'm making a point of firmly staying on this side of it. I really don't think she has a clue what she wants right now.
Originally Posted By: JennyF
What I would give to feel this way again. Sorry...had to throw my own little pity party in there!
Likewise - I am finding W to be more 'loving' towards me, but I know I can't rely on her right now and that it might disappear overnight.
I'm not even going to try to read anything into this - I don't get if she is asking when I'm going to take her off our shared insurance. You'd think she'd just go and get her own if she wanted it, then tell me to drop her off our's.
*shrug*
(10:51:01 AM) W: oh....I was going to ask you (10:51:16 AM) W: when do I need to get my own car insurance policy? (10:54:09 AM) H: you're fine on ours for now (10:54:14 AM) H: unless you really wanted to get your own (10:54:55 AM) W: how much do I owe you for it? (10:55:03 AM) H: nothing (10:55:07 AM) H: I just pay it with everything else (10:55:21 AM) W: you don't have to do that (10:55:33 AM) H: I don't mind (10:56:49 AM) W: I can't wait to get the tax stuff done (10:56:58 AM) W: hopefully we'll get money back
I had a similar conversation with my W a while ago. She asked if I wanted her to go on her own cellphone plan. I told her that it was more cost effective to leave things like they were and as long as we're married I'll help pay for some of her things. Right or wrong, I'm not sure, but I think it shows that I still care. I pay for her cellphone, car insurance, student loans, and some other shared debt (not to mention the house the we bought TOGETHER!). I don't have a problem covering these things financially so I don't mind.
Her tax comments are a bit confusing though especially right after she was asking to split expenses.
Like you said: *shrug*
B
Me: 29 W: 28 T: 10 M: 7 No kids 2 Dogs and 1 Cat With Parents: 09/16/07 Apartment: 10/13/07 Back Home: ~2/16/2008
Her tax comments are a bit confusing though especially right after she was asking to split expenses.
She already told me a while ago she wanted to file a joint return and split the refund 50/50 - I really don't have a problem with that, since we basically make the same amount of money.
Right now I only pay for her car insurance and cover the medical insurance through my employer - Everything else is her own, hence why she can't afford any Christmas gifts for anyone. She has a lot of student loan debt and credit cards - I have no debt at all.
Hrm - Strange day. First day of my Christmas vacation. Had D last night, but I took her to daycare this morning. Spoke to W briefly this morning via IM, but she didn't have much to say.
I have a strange feeling today - I don't 'feel' a whole lot for W today. We're going out for dinner tonight, but I'm not at all anxious or stressed about it. I spent most of the day running around getting things together for Christmas and trying to tidy the house. I was going to get a few extra things for W, but I ended up just getting a bunch of stuff for D - I think W has one thing in her stocking right now.
I'm hoping that my feelings will change tonight when I get to spend some time with W. It's confusing.
It's funny when this happens isn't it? In some ways it feels good because you don't feel the overwhelming sense of loss and sadness and in other ways you wonder if your feelings are going away. I understand the confusion.
I think you're just getting stronger. You're getting to the place where you're going to be ok regardless of what happens. I find the less my H acts like himself...the more I feel that way. It's the days when when we have 'normal' converstaions that I feel the longing for him. I think when you start to have days when you don't feel a whole lot, that's when you can truly focus on yourself and let your W sit back and watch how stable you are. Doesn't mean it's gone...just means you're focused on you, and so you should be.
Have fun tonight. J~
M 35 H 29 M 4 yrs T 9 yrs D 3 S born 10/19/07 Bomb 09/10/07 Separated next day OW - broke up and H moved out 09/07/08 Status - still figuring this out
I actually think it is good the way you are feeling. You have worked very hard at detaching and showing your W what a strong person you are. I think the way you are feeling now is going to help you keep your expectations low for Christmas. I think that is very important. Focus on you and D.
I actually think it is good the way you are feeling. You have worked very hard at detaching and showing your W what a strong person you are. I think the way you are feeling now is going to help you keep your expectations low for Christmas. I think that is very important. Focus on you and D.
You're right - W was really cranky and moody tonight, so the fact that I wasn't feeling too excited about it probably helped me deal with it all. Normally we just joke around, have fun and talk a lot. She didn't hardly laugh at anything for the first hour or so. She eventually warmed up, but she was just weird for a long time. She seemed very preoccupied and unhappy.
We drove around all over the place - She basically had no gifts for anyone, so we went to Target and picked out things for most of her family. I ended up offering to pay for it, since they're really coming from both of us, then W bought a load of gift cards from Giant Eagle for other people.
Since we got home really late, I ended up keeping D tonight to avoid her having to deal with the 30min drive back to W's house - W seemed to appreciate that, since she looked totally exhausted, so I guess she is coming over tomorrow.
W kept asking me questions about where I'm moving, when I'm moving, what I'm doing, and so forth. Not sure if she's just trying to be interested, or if there is something else running through her head about it.
Time to start wrapping all of the gifts we just bought for folks
Hey Brit, I'm such a pathetic Clevelander that when I read about the gift cards from Giant Eagle, I wondered which of you gets the fuel perks. I'm getting ready to head out of town and I hope you have a good weekend.
I'm getting ready to head out of town and I hope you have a good weekend.