I truly don't know- I thought he hit rock bottom before but?
I think I need to be the WAS right now
HELP!!
Me:37 H:38 6 kids first bomb 8/05 (ow involved) piecing 7/06 second bomb 3/07 ow involved wash rinse repeat.... huge move to start over 2/11 more affairs H left for good 8/12
I think you might be right. I think it is time that he is going to have to prove something to you. Look, he hurt you, physically. In my mind, that's a really slippery slope, I have no doubt that he would do it again, maybe worse. None of this means you failed, not even a little bit.
If you don't want to give up on him, that's fine. But make him do the work, now. If he won't really take care of his issues (no more drugs, no more violence, etc.), I think it is done. You'll be ok Lisa, better than ever!
I was were you are a while back but with only 1 child. I know its scarey to do it on your own but if you put your mind to it you can do it. It is hard but worth the peace you get besides what persues with your children.
I had ups and downs like you with mine. As time goes on, the more they feel they can consume from alcohol to prescrip meds and the mixture can kill you or your kids. Let me say mine was fine as long as he was sobor, which got fewer inbetween. Then it was to the dr. to get some heavy duty "pain" meds some from anxiety attacks. These made him worse when he drank.
Everything was about him, for him, if not he would leave. He about killed me one night on his episode and didn't matter if my son was there or not. That was one scarey night when even my neighbors didn't hear us or me screaming for help. Just writing this brings back those memories of the worse times we had and when I look at him I remember those times not the good times.
Mine left and with him leaving I was scared like you. Thought for sure I would lose my home, have not enough to feed my son. But as time went on, I did it month by month, day by day. I never talk about it much just keep my head up striving to provide.
My ex, well he assumed I would find him and beg for him back. What for? To endure the same thing all over again. Nice to begin with, then accept his behaviors because I relied on him for support of financial things. I almost lost my life one night and I am not going to wait for that night to reoccur. He still calls me and still cries wishing we could be together. I wish too but he still is drinking and taking more meds. It wouldn't work. For you to say it was big of your husband to admit to a few bruses is saying not much about his character. That means he isn't truly sorry and he could do much worse.
Well I don't mean to bore you with what happened in my past. But I thought you need a heads up cause truly you are the strong one cause your husband returns when he feels weak so you hold him up. You need to wait till he is as strong as you are. Off the substances and knowing what he did to you was wrong. You don't want to wait to see him at his real worse and never to forgive him for it. You can do this and yes all on your own. You will feel peace which in turn will make you that much stronger.
I am crying as I reread these posts. I am so scared- I keep saying that and it is so true. He is not home but in another hotel room spending up our money. My kids are asking for him yet again and with Christmas coming up and our anniversary on New Years Eve. I am begining to hate this time of year.
Me:37 H:38 6 kids first bomb 8/05 (ow involved) piecing 7/06 second bomb 3/07 ow involved wash rinse repeat.... huge move to start over 2/11 more affairs H left for good 8/12
Lisa, for now, be safe first. Worry about the other stuff later. If you see him, and I really understand about the kids, do it with at least two other adults around, or in a public place. It isn't ideal, but at least it is safe. I wish I could help.
Its like going through withdrawals yourself. You let things be cause this is his choice. Mine made his. He has to want to work on it too to work. In your case doing all the work is sorta making you the scapegoat for all his problems he is facing. No job. Doing other things that isn't in yours and his best interests. He has to see it for himself and not blame you for it all. He is probably majorly depressed and only he can get help unless you put him up for 72 hours watch in a hospital. He doesn't do these things cause he hates you or that he doesn't want you but he is so mad at himself and his life he is/will take it out on you for the moment. If he had a job and everything was honky dorey he wouldn't be acting out like this.
Hang in there. You will feel better in time. Make yourself busy and make a plan on what you will do to best protect you and your children and to be able to make a living. Write the steps to get you there.
Me:37 H:38 6 kids first bomb 8/05 (ow involved) piecing 7/06 second bomb 3/07 ow involved wash rinse repeat.... huge move to start over 2/11 more affairs H left for good 8/12
Please remember, I am totally unqualified to say this from anything other than my own personal feelings.
I'd file for D. If, during the process, he showed more than a little commitment, and by that I mean total commitment, not just words, to getting himself straight, I'd consider, but very carefully slowing it down, or stopping it. He's crossed a few lines, and put you and the kids in real danger. You can't have that. And he has to know it. And the only way he is going to get it is for you to file, I think. But, you have to mean it, because he may well never look back. (If my opinion that would be best for you, but I know it is not what you'd choose, and I hate it for the kids).
Lisa, you know no one can make that decision for you. Your H has moved in and out, you've uprooted your life and your kids, multiple ows, emotional/verbal/physical abuse. When he comes back again how will you change the pattern? What will be your boundaries? and how will you enforce those boundaries? We know how hard this is especially with the holidays, and you have the kids and an anniversary too. How are the kids? They are old enough to be so affected by what their dad is doing.
