Wow, I've been reading posts for 2 solid days. I will try to make this short, so please ask questions if I leave something unclear. My h and I have been married for 4 years, together for 9. Things have not been good sexually since before we married. At first it was crazy...kinky great sex all the time. Then my libido dropped off. He has a very high drive and is a wonderful, generous lover. I have no real reasons for my ld. I love him to death. Over the years my lack of attention to him sexually has taken its toll. He had an affair back when we were just living together and we talked...I made an effort and things were better for a while, I promised him things would change, but then I dropped off again. He told me a month ago he can't go on like this. I believe he has met someone else, and in fact I'm afraid he's about to embark on an affair with someone out of town...where he's spending the holidays with his family. I don't know this for sure, I just think somethings up. I wouldn't blame him. I know I haven't given him what he needs and he's told me how hurt he has been by my rejection. We've become the couple living as roommates with separate lives. He told me that I am a perfect wife in every respect except sex, but that's something he can't live without.This is so crazy...he is so very attractive to me. I blame it on things like him being emotionally distant, not doing the small things to show me he cares. But the fact is, I know he has only become that way because he doesn't feel wanted by me. I have read the first chapter of SSM and have it on order. I really beleive that this time I can make some real changes in myself and open up. I went shopping today and bought clothes that I know he would like to see me in. Things that my low self confidence usually won't allow me to wear, but things that I know he finds attractive. Bottom line is I know what I need to do and want to do to change things. My fears are that first, it will be too late. He may have already begun a relationship that gives him what I haven't. Second, since we've been down this road before and I promised things were going to be different, then I failed...he probably won't be very willing to believe in me this time. All I can think of to tell him is this: "You have no reason to believe this time will be any different, I know I've let you down before. I'm not going to make promises that you may not trust in. All I can ask of you is that you stay with this marriage long enough to see if things really do turn around." I know he loves me deeply, which is why this whole situation is so hurtful for him. For a long time I tried the tact of "Sex is not the most important thing in a relationship." But I know from reading here that it really kind of is...I talk about not getting emotional intimacy, at the same time I deny it to him in the way he needs it. Not sure why I went ahead and posted instead of continuing to lurk. I'm terrified I'm going to lose him and will have no one to blame but myself.
