Exactly what I am going to do. Absolutely, completely, and totally as dark as possible, even during pickups. I am not going to talk to WAW unless she truly is initiating conversation. Anything regarding 5D, I will text message her. That way I can avoid her.
WAW was completely irrational, unreasonable, and just excessively angry last night. She even tried to say how she knew this was not going to work out. I think she is referring to the equal time with 5D. Regardless, I just don't want to deal with her mess. No sense in trying to understand irrationality.
Having said that, I'd like to hope that WAW's remember very little and will just get over it. Heck the school already apologized to me. Yesterday was the day we first started dating. Perhaps, some of her anger is from remembering. Our wedding anniversary is Friday and I will see her x-mas eve. I am almost not looking forward to it. I can hope for the best, but it just doesn't appear that these days are going to sway her at the moment.
5D and I will decorate stockings tonight, wrap gifts, drive around and look at x-mas lights, etc ... Also, take 5D to see her friend at McDonalds this afternoon.
I am going to make absolutely certain 5D and I have a great x-mas together. I am certain WAW is not in the spirit and has got no gifts yet. When I WAW brings 5D to my house on x-mas eve, I will let 5D give WAW gifts from her. I am fairly sure WAW will basically leave afterward. So, 5D and I will make some cookies for Santa before her bedtime. I am going to decorate the hall with x-mas lights. Maybe put reindeer/santa tracks in the house. I am going to make sure that I have lots of small things for her to open that she loves and/or loves to do with me. I'll get her something 'big' but I want to make sure she remembers her x-mas with me. She prefers being with me at my house and I will do nothing short of showering her with love every day of the season and her life.
I am a dad myself (D7 is the youngest) and your note above (at least the last paragraph)touched a nerve with me, it was very inspirational and motivating....Thanks and God Bless you and your loved ones!
Thanks john210. Your reply means a lot to me also.
Just remember the greatest gift we can give our children is time together. Love then flourishes and grows. It hardly matters what it is you do, it's the time together.
Text messaged WAW things she needed to know about picking up 5D tomorrow and her cough. Then said I would pick up 5D for church at 9:00am Sunday. The end. Just like I said earlier today. Short and sweet.
She replied that she was going to go visit an aunt on Sunday and I would not be able to take 5D to church. At least it is communication and she did share what she would be doing.
Positive 1) Did exactly what I said I would do regarding contacting wife 2) WAW responded. 3) WAW shared her plans with me unnecessarily.
Now, we have been keeping 5D every 4 days. We made arrangements a month ago that, regardless of the 4 day thing, she would keep 5D on 23rd and 24th and I would have 5D on 25th and 26th. It turns out that the every other 4 days works perfectly and wife could have 5D 21st-24th and I get 25th-28th. So, in other words, we do not have to break 5D's usual routine. I've thought about text messaging WAW to see if she just wanted to keep the 4 day rotation through the holiday because it will not effect things. It also would allow me to remain dark and avoid extra contact with WAW. Of course any communication would have to be through text messaging and need to be done probably tonight. Another point is that WAW would have 5D over New Year's eve and day. Thus I could continue my darkness over this time as well.
Well, today is my wedding anniversary. We would be x-mas shopping/celebrating this evening if ...
I did not text WAW about maintaining 4 day rotation through holidays, since it just works out the way we had already agreed. I might tomorrow. But I cannot contact her today. Just don't see how contacting her on our anniversary is good if she is wanting a D.
Kind of funny, woke up this morning over and not hurt about how angry, irrational, etc..WAW was 2 days ago. Makes me wonder how long it will take for her.
Won't see WAW until x-mas eve 8:00pm. She will open 5D gifts and then who knows. I've thought to take 5D to WAW's for a bit x-mas morning. This is probably a bad idea but it would mean a lot to WAW to see 5D. Any gesture, no matter how nice, probably pursuing and unwanted...who knows...maybe she'll give me a clue x-mas eve.
5D and I decorated x-mas stockings last night. We used glitter glue, beads, etc...It was a blast. We did make one for Mommy so 5D could put her gifts to WAW inside.
During prayers last night, 5D said she had a special prayer that she was saving for when she was with WAW(next 4 days). I am certain she is going to say something like "I want my Daddy to come home". She told me on the way to school that she wanted to stay with me. Even asked why she couldn't. All I could say is it's Mommy's turn, she misses you too, and I will miss you everyday. She said I already miss you and I want to stay with you Daddy. Just rips your heart out.
Well the evening passes with no contact with WAW on 11-year anniversary...big surprise. Was doing great today until relative called to asked how I was doing. Dropped my PMA a bit. I have plans to go to a B-Day party tonight. Shopping for 5D in the morning.
Vehicle is broke, I know what is wrong and it'll cost c-note+. Good time for that with holidays and all. Funny how I have saved a good bit of money that could be used to build the dreams of life for WAW, 5D, and myself but know that WAW would like nothing more than for me to blow it on a big D.
I know darkness is my only chance. She'll come back...just a ton of time, 180's, and for me to GAL. I must find happiness that is not reliant on her. This will work...I know it will. And I know I can.
Thanks wooglint...got voice mail as I was responding...heart pounding etc...just a friend of mine. Yeah, I am running out of people to talk to...even my sister says after last episode of anger to be done with her. Just can't do that. I think in a goofy way it helps. If I can't talk about her to even family that she does not contact, I can detach easier. She will come back to me, I know she will... Kind of funny in a way, the time that has passed, you know after the BOMB, has given me the strength, courage, and wisdom to know I can. It's like they unknowingly give you what you need.
