mcol: That myspace message, and the video, is about as close to a "baby step" as you can come, being so far away.
I don't want you to get your hopes up -- and then do something stupid. I think you're doing such a great job. But I wanna pass along the following story to you:
I was by myself for four months when my H left. I was here, on these boards, and I was reading *every* infidelity/self-help/restore M books that I could find at Barnes&Noble. In short, I was doing *everything* I could to save my M.
When my H came home, I was expecting to hear how my attitude, behavior, etc. had influenced his decision to come back to me.
Instead, he told me, a movie that he was watching with OW just a few days earlier is what sealed the deal. Apparently after watching that movie, some lightbulb came on. He said he cried the entire night, and the next morning, he told OW that he was returning to his W and family -- if we would have him.
He rented that movie the first night he was home so that I could watch it. Honestly, I still for the life of me can't figure out what about that movie "spoke" to him. But that's not for me to determine. When he and I watched it that night, he cried like a baby. And I mean, like a baby.
Sometimes, it takes something like that -- a movie or a video -- to get our alien spouses to think.
In the meantime, we have to continue doing what we can do to help ourselves. You going dark, if nothing else, is keeping you from having to hear her sh!t. Accept the video/myspace message as a "God-wink," or a "baby step," or a small miracle. And don't ruin that for yourself by calling your W. Call your D when she's away from W to ask about the doc. appt.
