When your tired, and I assume you are from tossing and turning, everything feels worse. It's okay that you made an appointment for CS. Just because you are getting your ducks in a row doesn't mean it's over. You just need to protect yourself. I don't know how you feel about H paying for things, but I make my H pay for half of everything baby related. Money is a huge issue for him and he needs to feel the pinch of his actions. Wait til he has to pay CS. I have a hard time accepting my H for who he is, too. It makes me sad that he isn't the man I thought he was. As far as the OW, I get what you are saying about picturing them. I can't seem to stop myself either. But, my counselor pointed out that by doing that you are moving away from your own core and giving too much power to that situation. Remember who you are at your core: a good Mother, good wife, good friend, good daughter, good person. Would you want to be either one of them, really? Make a list of your personality characteristics as though someone who loves you were describing you to someone else. When you start to feel that way, read it. Remember who you are. Also, stop and realize that when you give into those thoughts of them, you are giving them the control. Take back control of your emotions. He'll NEVER be able to forget you or the kids. And, he could very well be PRETENDING that life is great. He can't allow himself to think it's not, otherwise, how could he justify to himself what he's doing.
Hang in there.
M 5yrs 1st baby-girl born 6/18/08 Bomb: 10/13/07 OW - I was 6wks Prego H Moved in w/OW: 11/2/07 D Final 07/10 OW had his baby 3/17/09-so her Me, now - happier than I ever was with him
Thanks Blindsided. You sound so strong today!! I am glad.
I am feeling better than I was. Trying to remember that my kids don't need this drama no matter how I feel about H. He isn't just messing with my head, he is also messing with the kids and that is not ok.
I did get a text this morning...."You and baby have a good day and tell baby that her daddy loves her"..Ack! Yeah, the overflow of love he shows her is amazing.She isn't important enough to him to be faithful, sincere, honest, caring or sober.
I didn't respond.
Me: 46 FWS: 36 Married and Divorced 4/07, Pregnant 7/07,False R 7/07 Baby Girl born 3/08 Kicked him out because OW: 7/08 5/10 He realized what he had and lost. Moved home! REMARRIED 3/14/11!!
Back to having a bad day. Its that middle stage where you realize that things are not changing and he truly is going another way. That missing me is not happening and he is more involved with OW.
I got a call from a friend who went to her son's xmas program last night. She saw H's daughter playing alot with OW's young son. She also saw OW and H's daughter walking together, but she never saw H. Doesn't mean he wasn't there somewhere. So obviously they are not calling it quits and my absence is not very threatning to him.
Alone and very sad.
Me: 46 FWS: 36 Married and Divorced 4/07, Pregnant 7/07,False R 7/07 Baby Girl born 3/08 Kicked him out because OW: 7/08 5/10 He realized what he had and lost. Moved home! REMARRIED 3/14/11!!
Do yourself a favor and ask your friends not to give you details. What good does it do you to ask for them? It just makes you upset. I think sometimes that the saying "what we don't know, won't hurt us" is the best policy. I had to finally ask my In laws not to tell me anything that H has said to them about OW. I just don't need to know. Try to relax and not dwell on it. Nothing good will come of thinking about it. Go down the opposite path.
M 5yrs 1st baby-girl born 6/18/08 Bomb: 10/13/07 OW - I was 6wks Prego H Moved in w/OW: 11/2/07 D Final 07/10 OW had his baby 3/17/09-so her Me, now - happier than I ever was with him
I just sent H a text telling him that I had my 28 week tests done and results will be in soon. He asked a strange question: Who took you there? I said me. My guess its coming from my statement from last weekend about my family and friends stepping in to help me through the rest of the pregnancy and H feeling like I am excluding him. He then replied: ok, need to discuss some things with you when I am feeling better.
Ok, what things? What can he possibly have to discuss? I really don't want to hear that he is publicly dating OW or anyone else. I don't want to hear that we are not going to work out, but he will be here for the baby. I have a feeling its one of those two things. I know its not he has changed his mind and wants to step up. I am thinking of possible scenarios and my possible reactions.
I am sure it won't be for a day or two. Now I am stressing.
Me: 46 FWS: 36 Married and Divorced 4/07, Pregnant 7/07,False R 7/07 Baby Girl born 3/08 Kicked him out because OW: 7/08 5/10 He realized what he had and lost. Moved home! REMARRIED 3/14/11!!
You will drive yourself crazy trying to speculate. Don't speculate. You have not idea what it is. Why do you need to figure out what your reaction will be. Just remain calm. No use in stressing over it for the next couple of days. It could be nothing. Are there any financial things you need to discuss with him? Just hang in there.
M 5yrs 1st baby-girl born 6/18/08 Bomb: 10/13/07 OW - I was 6wks Prego H Moved in w/OW: 11/2/07 D Final 07/10 OW had his baby 3/17/09-so her Me, now - happier than I ever was with him
No financial things to discuss. We separated that long ago. I have a feeling it will be the "we don't see eye to eye but I want to be here for baby" speech. In other words, I am going to keep living my life but when I want to be a dad I will.
Me: 46 FWS: 36 Married and Divorced 4/07, Pregnant 7/07,False R 7/07 Baby Girl born 3/08 Kicked him out because OW: 7/08 5/10 He realized what he had and lost. Moved home! REMARRIED 3/14/11!!
I have to agree with Ellie. My sister had a child when she was 19 (never married to the father who was 20 years older than her!), and since then she has had several "boyfriends" come and go. It really messes up my niece, who is now 7. Give him your list and go from there.
Just checking in on you to see how you're doing. Hope today is a good day for you. Let me know how it's going.
M 5yrs 1st baby-girl born 6/18/08 Bomb: 10/13/07 OW - I was 6wks Prego H Moved in w/OW: 11/2/07 D Final 07/10 OW had his baby 3/17/09-so her Me, now - happier than I ever was with him
I am doing ok. Trying to have a PMA. Trying to keep telling myself it will all work out like it should. I was talking with my sister last night and I was telling her how anxious and nervous I was about our discussion coming up. She asked me why I was giving him all the power in this R. I am waiting to hear what he has to say and tell me how its going to be. Why don't I be more assertive? Good point. It still goes back to no OW or alcohol or I don't want you.
Hope your day is better too. Hang in there.
Me: 46 FWS: 36 Married and Divorced 4/07, Pregnant 7/07,False R 7/07 Baby Girl born 3/08 Kicked him out because OW: 7/08 5/10 He realized what he had and lost. Moved home! REMARRIED 3/14/11!!
