Recently Married into a sexless marriage

[CharlieBrown]

nwlywed,

I am sure when you found this board, you were hopeful that you would find a solution, a magic-bullet, that you could apply to your marriage and your wife would be able to return to the sexual woman of your dreams. I would assume that most of the responses you have received have been not what you have hoped for and at this point, you may even be frustrated by them.

While I haven't been posting here for very long, I have been on the board as a lurker for a long time (couple years I think). Over time I have come to the conclusion that for those who come here, the vast majority of the time (probably 70-80% IMHO) things will never really change. Sure, they (we) might get a slight improvement from time to time. Sometimes, it is even enough to re-light the pilot light of hope that we used to have. But in the end, I think it is only in the rare cases where the spouse recognizes that he/she shares in not only the fault, but also the committment to improve the marriage, that there is any shot for real improvement. And even then, there is no guarantee. Anecdotally, I think that many times the LD spouse joins in this quest for improvement because there are kids in the marriage and everything else is good. In that case, both spouses are looking over the cliff and making a joint decision not to jump.

I'm not trying to depress you, but I don't get the sense that you understand the reality of your situation. Believe me, I am not a pro-divorce guy in the least (and, of course, we are on a Divorce Busting website). But if things are like this now, I see the likely outcome in your future and really question the wisdom of staying married and starting a family. I would use this opportunity as a defining moment in your life, either way.

PF