"Sorry to keep babbling on your thread but I also wanted to note that if acting out a man's submissive fantasies was the secret to fixing a SSM then mine would have been just fine"
I don't think anyone is trying to say that.
My suggestion was that LFL's H has fantasies that he can't even acknowledge. He probably isn't asexual. The most likely scenario in my mind is that he is submissive. If that is what floats his boat and being the aggressor is a turn-off for him, then one thing LFL can do is try to do what works for him, try to make that work for her, and then hopefully move to a more give and take sexual R.
Right now her H is so repressed he can't even acknowledge his own sexuality, probably because of intense shame feelings.
I actually think sex, in particular a lack of sexual authenticity, is often a big problem in a problematic sexual relationship -- though it is probably more often because it is the woman, not the man, who can't be sexually authentic. Though, consider, for instance, that sexual inauthenticity was a factor for both GEL and her H in their R. Their sexual R improved dramatically as soon as they both became more authentic with each other.
