I emailed W's attorney last night, cc'd to her, regarding my proposal to completely change the holiday visitation schedule to make it better on everyone. I received a resonse from her, indirectly through her attorney, that it is all fine with her. No arguement, not battle, nothing; just fine. OK, that's good, that's cooperative....
In another email from her, she stated (in response to my question) that she would be happy to take the kids out to purchase Christmas presents for me. I told her I was doing that for her (from them). That did surprise me.... I said that I would of course advance the money for it. She also stated though, that she wanted them to pick out gifts that I wanted and needed, as opposed to "wasting" money on things that I might not find useful. She said she was trying to teach the children that materialism didn't matter and they don't need everything they want. Uh, this is the woman that I have documented to have spent about $100,000 in about four months this summer on.......I don't know what. I'll give her the BIG benefit of the doubt and try to hope that it is a hard lesson learned. Who knows.
I went to Nordstrom today and spent some time with the girl that picks out all my clothes. She's 26 and my W knows that I've always found her attractive, and frankly, I think it's a two-way street. That's another story. Anyway....I selected a bunch of stuff for her to hold, and said that my W would come in with the kids to pick out what to buy me. I did say that I would tell my W (who she has sold stuff to for a few years) that I simply called her in order to have her set stuff aside for me based on what I like. Why? I want my W to re-live the experience of going out to the mall and taking the kids to buy me things for Christmas. Yep - manipulating and I don't care. Is what it is.
With the re-negotiated visitation schedule, I'm having the kids today after school until 7:30, and left it open where the exchange is to take place; either at the designated grocery store parking lot, or on house away from mine, which she has been doing lately. So ten minutes before I'm to pick up the kids, and I didn't know if it was our two, or Ss10 as well, she calls me..... She said that Ss10 does not have basketball practice today, and if he had, she intended to bring him over afterwards. So now, she wants to know if I'd pick up all three, to which I said "of course, I'd love to". I asked her about the drop off location, and for whatever reason, she said to have the kids call her at 7:00 to figure it out.
So about an hour in, Ss10 tells me that he is supposed to wear dress slacks, shirt and shoes to the winter concert tomorrow at school. Great. He doesn't have this sort of clothing, but two hours (and $250) later, he does thanks to my girl at Nordstrom. Funny, he picked out a pretty cool tie (not required, but I dig) and some shoes that are exactly like the ones I was wearing. A good boy, indeed. I bring him home and iron the two shirts he bought (couldn't decide on black or white, so we got both, and will put them to good use in the future), while he called mom to find out that she will again pick them up near my house instead of the parking lot at the grocery store. To me, this shows that she is totally comfortable being in close proximity to me.
At the pickup, I actually reached into her car and hung up the shirts and pants, plus put another bag into the car. In that bag were two very nice shirts that I had recently purchased (Hugo Boss and Ike Behar - must haves...), but haven't unpackaged. Why? I put them in gift boxes and want her to have the kids give them to me for Christmas, along with the other stuff. And.....I want W to see, once again, that I've completely changed my wardrobe to include stuff I absolutely did not wear a year ago. The Ike Behar shirt has a cool design, in velvet, that is absolutely stunning (and for about $200, it better be). Point is, I'm shoving down her throat all my changes, and sometimes with little subtelty.
OK, along with the shirts was an envelope containing $1,100 in cash. I had promised, via email, that I would give her money to buy the kids some Christmas presents. A note said that $750 was for the kids and $350 was for them to buy my stuff from Nordstrom. I said that if the Nordstrom items went over $350, I would make up for it immediately.
Go ahead and say it......I'm buying her, I don't know, "new-found attitude". So f'n what!!! Look, I have gone eight months without one single damn positive signal, and now I've had about ten in just the last week. I will reward good behavior. This seems to be working for me, so I'll keep doing it. Right or wrong, it is having some results. All situations are different. If she said she wanted me to pay her $500 for each counseling session she attended, hell, I'd do it as long as the counselor told me she was participative.
One more note; I told W (written on an envelope with money in it last week) that the kids wanted to take her out earlier this week for a birthday dinner. I found out today that they all went out for a casual meal. Why mention this? Well, it is the only time in our entire separation that she has taken the kids out for a dinner. Me? I've taken them out dozens of times. I do find this intriguing to say the least. Maybe, just maybe, she's starting to feel some of the changes, some of her consequences.
