well, all hell broke loose, it is over and done

[cat03]

thanks friends for helping me see the bigger pict and keep me alert, I won't let tears nor fear direct my decisions, rest asured.

Wouldn't he have stopped earlier if those had been his feelings?

I believe he didnt' have those feelings up until he got caught, again, ow did lie to me about their time together, now that i'm putting 2 and 2 together, they were not together the entire time since June, they saw each other less than 3-4x, he has a letter he wrote trying to break it off w/her this month. Once I found out and scared the living hell out of him by showing up at ow's and ow showed him how much of a whore she is he actually realized what he had put in peril. Sadly, his logic is faulty, he is truly and royally messed up.
A friend did tell me it sounds like an addict, not able to shake off the drug-- didn't help that she was so shameless that I do see her showing up at his station and pushing herself until he gave in even after the letter he did give her.

We talked about his state of mind briefly when we went to the T today, and the T did explain him quite a few things, and told me quite a few things about him too.

Does he love you yet? Have those feelings returned?

No, he hasn't said it, he's only said that he'd do anything I want and that he wants me in his life. He admitted that his feelings died for me the day he left the home back in 05 and al this time was unable to conjure them. The T explained him (much like the other C) that the loving feelings will not come unless he gives the leap of faith and reaches out to me and expresses affection, that it might feel unnatural but that was what needed to happen.
If he was disconnected before he now is broken in tiny pieces, he tells me he looks inside and sees nothing. In a fit of desperation, after the T, he told me he gives up, that there is nothing left in him to give me and can't give me what i want/deserve, the I'd b better off divorced from him.
He calmed down much later, and I told him we shouldnt' make any decisions until we both clear our heads and see the new MC wednesday.

Your H clearly sounds depressed. If your H is willing to really commit to getting the help he needs, IMO, no need to throw him out.

I did think so too, the T however didnt' really think it was depresion, she said it was mostly feelings of helplessness resurficing from when his psychotic dad was alive and was abusive physically (cornered him and punched him) and verbally (called him dummy, worthless and looser). H reacted by tunning him out, removing himself from the sitch (even being taller than his dad he never hit back) and thus that's why he is unable to express his feelings, voice them because he's been taught to block out pain and escape.
The T said how there were 3 choices: 1-he needed to make a decision right now,2- mutual separation which she thought was not the way to go since during all this time it was pretty much how things were, him downstairs and uninvolved with the family and things got worse, or 3-decide to work things out together.

H confessed that internally he feels very little compared to me, that the control issue was/is a big factor why he was unable/unwilling to give, that he is vindictive and thought that everyone was like that and was sure I'd take revenge on him (T explained nicely the fallacy of that thinking).

T said that MC had to go along with IC, because you also learn a lot of yourself during MC which helps you to reconnect with your self and your partner...we did go a long time without MC.

H had a christmas party at work, as I was wondering at what time he'd come I'd realize it was up to him, I wouldnt' call him nor fret. He ended up calling me and asking at what time he should come, not to humor me, but truly wanting to work with me.

I'm setting up all the pieces of the puzzle and trying to figure out how this is going to work out, I don't want to put myself in the same boat as last time, but also I have a small hope that he learned a valuable lesson.