WAW staying, I'm leaving to give her space..(2)

[jab]

frank_D,

Reading your thread now. I quote:

In my case, I was used to taking care of myself, and I know what it's like to be poor. When I met my W she was in need of being rescued and I was a rescuer. Perfect fit. Eventually though, the rescuer has their own problems and the W is faced with that 'empty space' being empty again except they never learned how to fill it themselves, how to be 'ok' on their own or how to be 'supportive' of their rescuer.

This is it! This is so close to myself and my W that it gives me goose bumps! I'm jotting down notes here. There were a few other things that someone told me the other day that had me thinking. These were opinions from an 'outsider'...

1) Sounds like your W isn't dealing with her problems at all. Sounds like she is trying to escape them. It's easier for her to just avoid the problems (marriage, self esteem, whatever) and go out, party, act like a 'girl' instead of confronting her issues and resolving them.

2) I was asked after talking about potential OM: Has W ever acted toward you like she thought you had acts of infidelity? I replied, 'As a matter of fact, CONSTANTLY when I was traveling'. I was asked, 'did you ever give her good reason to think that?' I said I never did anything that I was aware of. I was told of a concept called 'projection'. Basically, maybe W was thinking thoughts of infidelity and thought since she was thinking those thoughts that I must certainly be thinking those thoughts. If I was full of opportunity on the road to fulfull those thoughts then the idea was I would act on them if I had the thoughts and the chance.

I was traveling back in 2004-2005. That conversation and some other realizations that go back to that time scare the bejezus out of me! I can see where that came into play now. I always thought that she was insecure but I guess I didn't know the half of it! Ironically, this was around the time W started 'getting fit' and began nursing school. This was about a year after D4 was born.

Well, I got to do some more reading and get some sleep.