Love, PAIN and the Whole Crazy Thing

[mcol]

Hey guys...day 2 of black ops is successful. Although I must admit I now know what a drug addict must feel like. I spent most of today loafing around the office completely doing nothing. I apologize to the the taxpayers today because they did not get their money's worth. I almost caved when our chorus came to perform for us. They sang Christmas carols that were good and festive but only served to remind me that I was missing my first Christmas with my kids and extended family.

To answer some of the previous posts...

Yes, you need to demonstrate, in words and actions, that you're working to remove the obstacles to your reconciliation. Unless there's something you haven't shared with us, you've done that -- earnestly -- with your career

When I was home a couple of weeks ago, I told her my status have been approved by the Army and I started hunting for jobs online. I also contacted a headhunter that specializes in placing military officers in the corporate sector. However, until I go on leave in June I do not think this will firmly resonate because I have been at the brink before and withdrew my paperwork due to lack of a plan. I am not going to do that this time but she will not believe me simply because I have talked about it so frequently that she sees it as a crying wolf type of scenario.

I don't see her doing that, and you need to put that heat squarely back on her. "Honey, I am doing everything within my power to remove what you have indicated are the biggest obstacles to our future intimacy. You need to do the same, and end the affair, so we can work on this marriage. Let me know what you'd like to do, because I am a patient man, but my patience is not limitless."

She believes that I do not consider the OM to a threat nor that she is having an affair. I owe her a conversation to let her know that so she can be put on notice. Honestly I have been thinking how I am going to respond to her question of why I have not called or emailed. I think I will say or type something like this please send me a slap to the head if you think I am smoking dope...

"I haven't called or IM you because I have been trying to resolve this stuff in my own head. I know that I told you I believe you about you and --- but the truth is I do not. Though you may not have had a physical affair your are certainly in an emotional affair by your own submission that you have turned to him in your darkest hour and he has filled the void of me being gone. I cannot accept that he has taken my place as your confidant in our marriage and you have let that happen. I cannot understand how you could possibly turn to him when it comes to the affairs of our children (bb gun for s8) instead of one of your other family members. Quite frankly, I have not been able to resolve in my own head why you, a strong natured person, has allowed yourself to be lured into this affair. You need to end this immediately and engage your family and me for the support you need to get through these times".

I am sure this will evoke one of two responses from her:

1) I don't care what you think about us because nothing is going on. You have not been here to help with anything and he has and you are making this out to be all my fault (it is) so do whatever you want to do...I am done with this.

2) Extreme anger and rage followed by a rehash of all the topics and reasons why she thinks I suck and she has been abandoned in this relationship

3) Or option 3...cold dead silence, well you believe what you want, I don't care nor do I have feelings for you anymore and I want a D.

Ok..I know I am projecting...thank you Army for making me plan my steps months ahead of time. That is producing a huge flaw in me right now.

I'm assuming this is the power bill for the house that neither of you are living in?
Oh yeah, and when did she start using the eff word?

Yeah this is for the house we don't live in...it would be more expenive to turn power off and re-deposit when I come back than to just leave it on and pay 30 a month to maintain.

She has been using quite a few curse words this year. It is only when she is angry though. Kind of funny that it removes that last safety button inside of her...you can tell she is uncomfortable when she says cuss words but it gives that micro vent she really needs to not totally explode.

Thanks for everything you guys..day 3 dark ops coming up.