I'll agree that the feeling like a loser probably does drive how you are handling things right now. And that it whether you are actively feeling like a loser or actively avoiding the feeling that you feel like a loser. Does that make sense!!??
That totally makes sense and is very insightful. I once watched that reality show "The Biggest Loser" with my kids and they wondered "Why do fat people cry so much when they lose weight?". Clearly, it's because they're being forced to deal with the emotions that they avoided by eating. I've been avoiding dealing with certain negative emotions by distracting myself with "fun". I hope I don't just switch gears and start distracting myself with "work" instead. I really want to achieve some sort of healthy healed balance.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
If she didnt talk sooooo much it would be easier to listen. My ears get tired. When I tell her to get some girlfriends, its becasue I love her, and Im trying to get her what she needs, not becasue Im trying to push her away. I can only handle so much jabber.
I used to think blackfoot was pretty over the top but it's becoming obvious to me that he's a certifiable genius. Or at least a guy who very thoroughly understands what he's doing.
And you're a very astute observer. That one would have slipped by me. Personally, I think there are some rather large flaws in his grand theory but I do respect it enough to continue in my efforts to translate it to Venutian analogies.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
hat's one thing I really liked about GP - how he stressed that what you were willing and able to put up with from your 2bx to keep your family together is proof of how strong you are and what a positive capable person you are. So many women in your position would not have been able to keep their sanity and self confidence like you have.
Thank you. I liked GP too. I hope I haven't made it seem like he was some kind of easily-dismissed Lothario. He not only admired my cow, he actually eroticized her. He was always saying stuff like "Yeah Baby, if I had met you when I was 32 and you were 22 we would have had 4 or 5 pretty little babies and when I came home from work I would have said 'Baby, call your Mother to come watch these babies and put that food you cooked away. Put on that nice red dress because I'm taking you out tonight.'" My persistent sexual fantasy while I was dating him was a vision of a young barefoot me wearing a simple house dress that was tight across my breasts hanging up laundry on a line in an urban backyard surrounded by a chain link fence and I'm being stared at.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
A man does that when he cheats on his wife for something younger prettier, (unacceptable) and a woman does that when she leaves her H cause he is placating supplicating. I dont see the same shouts of indignation from men or women when that happens. Why not?
The reason is very simple. Female sexuality is not understood or accepted by most people in our culture so nobody "gets" that kind of behavior enough to be indignant about it. Also, it is easier to "see" that a man has a new woman who is younger and prettier. The objects of masculine attraction are not as readily apparent. Also, since many women don't even understand their own sexuality, they don't necessarily choose the masculine equivalent of somebody "young and pretty" in their next mate and just ride along on the wave of new relationship chemicals so there is actually nothing for people to observe that is the equivalent of the new "young and pretty" wife.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
vision of a young barefoot me wearing a simple house dress that was tight across my breasts hanging up laundry on a line in an urban backyard surrounded by a chain link fence and I'm being stared at.
Wait...does he have shackles and chains on his ankles and is he wearing prison garb?
Oh crap...Tony Curtis isn't chained to him, is he?
well this was as much of a negative push and a lie to you as you saying 'I want a divorce' was to him.
Im lost as to what to say, becasue I dont have a solution for you Mojo. {huggs}
Thank you. I don't remember if I actually said "I want a divorce." I asked for a few basic things for the billionth time and he responded with his exit line and I think I was just like "Okay, so when are you moving out then?"
I've been thinking about when it is "wrong" or "self-destructive" to respond "positively" to wolf/top behavior in a man and I think the answer is something like when he manifests that behavior to excuse his own absence from the ranch rather than to keep you safe in the fence. IOW when he manifests that behavior in a pre-emptive attack to inhibit you from establishing a boundary.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
Wait...does he have shackles and chains on his ankles and is he wearing prison garb?
Oh crap...Tony Curtis isn't chained to him, is he?
LOL- Actually, I believe he is leaning back against the fence in a very relaxed manner. Then he probably says "Soooooooooo sexy." and chuckles in a deep baritone.
Is there some movie in which one of the characters says "Soooooooo sexy."? The reason I ask is that both NG and GP said this to me a couple times.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
