Assuming he wants to be dominated based on zero info, is just a silly as assuming he wants to engage in rape fantasies. I think a good first step would be just talking about fantasy's. LFL could easily start that by talking about hers. (to him, not on here.)Scary stuff.
You're not listening or you only hear what you want to hear. I've told you before I've talked to him about my fantasies (he thinks it's rape-like, I totally disagree but whatever), and he has not been willing to share any specifics with me other than hinting that he likes me to take charge sometimes. I wouldn't go so far as to call it domination, that sounds too kinky for him, I'd call it just your every day horny housewife jumping his bones out of the blue. He would probably go with that scenario most times. That's fine. I can do that every once in a while. But he should be able to do my fantasy as well I'd say. It's not too out-there. Although even Alpha Soldier Guy said he never saw a woman quite as into it as me. I'll take it as a compliment I guess. I'm sure lots of women don't like it but lots of women do. It just sucks when your own H thinks you're a little too weird in that department.
IC, answer all questions, take the consequences of your actions like a man, and get ready (if MrsIC allows you) to rebuild trust one brick at a time.
Hairdog...with Miss IC, this is exactly what I'm doing. Being there, answering any and all questions and taking the consequences. Today she and the girls left on our scheduled vacation to her mom's. She decided it was best that I didn't go but thanked me before she left for understanding and being upfront with her questions...that's the best I can hope for right now.
I've fell into a trap on here of trying to defend the "why and when" of my timing as to telling Miss IC of my f*ck up. Defending anything for that matter...and I'm done! There is no defense for what I did...period!
I appreciate any constructive advice on what I can do, but I will no longer be trying to defend my position. I am wrong, I did wrong..I'm sorry - no defense.
There's the pickle. There's no defense. But I think MissIC wants a reason, because with a reason, maybe there is understanding of how to prevent it, or to trust that it will be prevented. But, any reason is once you go through it, going to look like defense. Catch-22, from here, anyway.
I think that the only way through might be a professional counsellor that can get the several carts and horses of this mess put in the right order.
Good point. It is a pickle because to give a reason is also going to be translated into shifting blame...And I won't do that either
Yep. It's a lose, lose. Of course, it is of your creation, if that helps!
Seriously, I don't see how to get through it without professional help, and that isn't at all my usual thinking. It should be possible to overcome a ONS, but all the surrounding issues will have to fall, as well.
Good luck! At least she's talking to you.
I don't know about this part, it is for the two of you to discuss. Should this be taken away from here? Maybe a bit of status know and then for the nosey fans , but resolved more privately?
Yep. It's a lose, lose. Of course, it is of your creation, if that helps!
Gee thanks...I was having a little trouble figuring that one out. Thanks for easing my mind on that
Originally Posted By: dry_heat
Seriously, I don't see how to get through it without professional help, and that isn't at all my usual thinking. It should be possible to overcome a ONS, but all the surrounding issues will have to fall, as well.
She's open to it and suggested it, but right now she wants time.....away!.......from me! Whatever it takes for me at this point.
Originally Posted By: dry_heat
Good luck! At least she's talking to you.
Thanks.
Originally Posted By: dry_heat
I don't know about this part, it is for the two of you to discuss. Should this be taken away from here? Maybe a bit of status know and then for the nosey fans , but resolved more privately?
You guys get the bits and pieces...a lot more is done privately. Before this, we were making big strides by being open on here...I dunno, I guess it's a toss up
I knew it was wrong beforehand, I knew it was wrong as it was occuring, remorseful enough to leave right in the middle of it
rings my BS bell, big time. Sorry dude, but I'm feeling especially cynical right now about everything, not just you.
Hairdog
Hairdog, Not that this has any meaning or point at this time, but let me clear up your "BS bell"....things started in OW's car, was asked to follow her to her place...drove home instead. Doesn't change anything, but no BS.
, but resolved more privately?