There's the pickle. There's no defense. But I think MissIC wants a reason, because with a reason, maybe there is understanding of how to prevent it, or to trust that it will be prevented. But, any reason is once you go through it, going to look like defense. Catch-22, from here, anyway.
I think that the only way through might be a professional counsellor that can get the several carts and horses of this mess put in the right order.
