"oh no, I've been caught, I need to be MORE MERCILESS to myself than she can be, so that instead of being angry with me, she'll be so distracted at the beating I'm giving myself, that she'll end up comforting me."
To clarify, I wasn't necessarily accusing IC of doing this *deliberately*. It can be done subconsciously. Also, my perception of IC is that he is of the 'gotta be a man', bulletproof perfectionist persuasion, his self-deprecating humor notwithstanding. Any kind of perfectionist will be inclined to have truly spectacular guilt meltdowns when faced with their frailties. I speak from experience.
The Guilt Meltdown is certainly ickier when deliberate, but just as irritating to one's partner regardless, and I just wanted him to be aware of that. Right now, it's just not about *his* emotions, even if the predominant emotion is guilt.
And wallowing in anything just takes away mental and emotional energy from any positive steps toward rebuilding.
The sooner he stuffs that suit of armor in the recycle bin and reinvests in some nice barbed wire to build a fence around himself AND Miss IC, the less likely a repeat offense will become. Honestly, if I was in Miss IC's position .... I *imagine* that I would still be just about as pissed about the cancer diagnosis withholding as by the ONS. Different sides of the same coin.
"Show me a completely smooth operation and I'll show you someone who's covering mistakes. Real boats rock." -- Frank Herbert
