Originally Posted By: ann25
I told him i just wanted to be with him. He asked if I was doing it for him. I told him that i wanted to make him feel good. That it made me happy when i could do that. (this is the wrong answer!!!)


That was completely not a "wrong answer". I think that his response was "wrong".

I understand where he's coming from. I was at that point myself a long time ago. Having been there myself, I think that it was a mistake for me to think that narrowly.
That is... it's certainly nice when a woman thinks that way about you.. but it is also a wonderful thing when a woman thinks the way you felt about him then, too!

(him being stuck in that mindset, comes from feeling insecure, fyi)


Quote:

So, here's the question. Should i have lied? i don't want to lie. I didn't come right out and say, "i don't want to, i'm only doing this because you want it", but it had that same effect. I want to be honest with him, but i don't want to lie.


no way. dont lie.

(i think you also need to reframe the "i dont want to" in your head.It sounds like you DID "want to".. just not for the reasons that he was looking for)

Some guys get stuck in the "i want my wife to be a nympho, and want sex with me just because they're horney" mode.
Especially YOUNG guys, like your H.

In some ways, this is HIS problem. He should be more appreciative about it.

but... another way to tackle it... might be also be to reexamine your own view on it.
If you are doing it "because making him feel good, would make you feel good".... then maybe next time, start focusing ahead of time, on how good you would feel inside, if he was already like that.
If you focus on that feeling inside you, then maybe you can initiate, because you're looking forward to that feeling for yourself.... and then you can honestly tell him that you are doing it "for you".

Maybe think about what you would be doing, to make him feel really good, which would make you feel good... and then tell him, "i really want to do .... with you. That would make me feel good".

Which is true, right?
betcha that would get him involved.
If he still starts bugging you and questioning you to derail things... just smile at him and tell him to quit killing the mood and F**k you cause that's what you want right now.

if that doesnt shut him up.. then.. well, he has serious personal issues, and he needs to retest for his "manly license" ;\)

Last edited by Dom R; 12/20/07 09:27 PM.
My current status: june 2006. Wife ran out and filed D.
Finalized Jan 11, 2010, after 12.5 years M.
3 wonderful sons caught in the middle