So it sounds like there is a problem of dueling submissive types. What to do?
Some ideas...
I wonder if you take the role of the aggressor often enough if you can then get him to submit to being the aggressor: "OK, now, do exactly as I say. I want you to f*ck me exactly like I f*ck you. Pretend you are me. Don't let me down. Show me how good I am..." The idea here is that eventually you can BOTH pretend to be the aggressor for each other so that you each get what you want sometimes.
Work on your own fantasy life. Can you fantasize that you are being submissive to someone who is directing you to pretend to be the aggressor with H? (Hey, if it works...)
Sex toys and porn to help your arousal?
Are you a sex therapist? Thanks for all your suggestions. Again, I may need to break out the booze to pull some of that stuff off. But heck, if it works... Maybe when I get home from my girls night out tomorrow night. It's been a while since we've had sex so I am starting to climb the walls again.
