State of Mind

[BeingMe]

Hoo boy! You and I sound so similar in nature, FA ... I tend also to be empathetic, imaginative, optimistic, but also impatient, and I have to be torn apart before learning a darn thing, although I am starting to tend toward taking good advice since all this happened (tired of bumping my head, I guess). I never thought I would be able to hold out this long, or allow an A keep me in a M. But, there you are ... amazing how much we moms do to keep our families together for our children (and, I am doing it for my D15 right now, even though I do love my H, I could so easily be happier on my own). It is hard to forget. I discovered the A from reading 2 months worth of emails between my H and his OW. Strangely, he has forgotten almost everything they said to each other, or so he says.

I sure have learned patience on this journey. That, and keeping my mouth shut, and (except here) I rarely explain myself to anyone, especially my H. If he asks, then I will, but I used to volunteer waaaayyy too much info about how I'm feeling, and how things have hurt me ... yadda, yadda, yadda! I was making myself sick trying to get my point across, and my voice heard, and my feelings validated. Ugh!

I agree that one can't involve one's friends in the sitch, and definitely not family. Because, if you do reconcile, they could still resent your H for the hurt he caused. And, everyone has an opinion, that it's hard to know which one is more valid, especially coming from people you have a personal connection to, and you care about. Best to just let them know if/when an absolute decision is made, and not too many details.

As for being an artist ... definitely can't live off it, but am getting back into it slowly. I used to do a lot of graphic art, and creating websites, but haven't done that in awhile. So, I may get back into that. I also enjoy writing. I live in an area where there is so much beauty, so it's hard not to want to photograph, paint, and write about it.

Aud - I agree that I just have to let go, and leave it in God's hands. No point in crushing myself. Venting here helps me cope, and get past the downers quicker. Thank goodness for this bb! Thanks for reminding me of certain spiritual things.

Take care, y'all! And, a Merry Christmas!