CVA - Have I Done Everything...No!

[Gone Dancin']

She is a sweet woman and the last thing I want to do is blow up another R. Not that there is one, but, well, you know what I mean....lots of feelings on both sides starting to simmer.

Easy, tiger -- don't overthink this, and don't start thinking about this being an R and worrying about blowing it up. Just enjoy yourself, enjoy the company, and relax. Just my O, but I don't think you're over your W, and thus starting an R with this woman will not be in either of your best interests.

Again, don't try to dictate a faster or more serious pace than is likely healthy or good for you. Just ride the wave nice and steady. Just my 2 cents.

GD

[Not Much Left]

Yep your right and I was trying to say to myself "easy boy, down boy, pant, pantAn pant!

She is cute though, tough to resist!

[S.T. _I Made It!]

not to hijack a thread, but ...CVA and Heim... have we heard from puddle recently?

[Heimlich]

ST,

Puddle's H was reading her posts. She's doing very well.

BD

[Not Much Left]

So as expected, WC has backed completely away. She said a lot of very, very nice things to me Monday night when we went out, then Tuesday freaks and says she is very uncomfortable with me being married. Says she will be there for me if we get divorced. Has sent me a couple of nice emails since but, rats.

I have been doing a lot of thinking. You guessed it, "do i really want my W back given I know there are women out there who would most certainly give me more affection...not just sex, i mean, more affection." At this point, there would have to be a monumental change in attitude from W for me to go "Oh sure, this is great, yippy, more of the same, let me go through the rest of my life thinking "what if", let me be the one to iniitiate everything, let me be do all the work, etc, etc, etc."

I know it would be best for my kids and the grass is not greener, but damn, when you finally get a glimpse of life without a W who has not wanted you for a long time and at least a mini glimpse of one that does, it really makes you stop and think, "What the Hell am I doing?"

Love to hear from my friends on this one. Nomo, I already know what your gonna say!

C

[Heimlich]

My initial, shoot from the hip response:

Couple days/weeks ago (getting blurry on timeframe) you found your W's questionnaire saying she wanted to feel loved. So, if you could figure out how she could feel loved and give that to her, who's to say she couldn't, in return, give you what you need?

Just a thought. Maybe you're right, she'll just be an Orange County W for life. Maybe not.

BD

[Not Much Left]

Dont know how? Period. Probabaly just being sweet and never getting angry (regardless if it is in check), but totally impossible, too much water under the bridge me thinks. She is likely to find someone who will give that to her and think why she wasted her time with me.

[Heimlich]

CVA,
Look at the title of your thread again.

You may be absolutely correct. But, then again, . . .
BD

[Not Much Left]

Think I wrote that before I was able to "see the other side", that being...at least I know, for sure (which I did not before, no matter how much friends and acquaintences tell you), that there is more out there...

Personally I think there were 2 things needed for me to detach, one was at least getting some affection from someone else, I have been deprived for so long and the second, which I have not done yet because I have been distracted at work, with the kids on the holidays, stressed, meeting WC, etc, getting my own place.


I have made a decision on pt #2 so hope to have that done in next few weeks. Everyone needs different things to happen to them from what I have seen to get them to where I think I am. Some are able to do it from day 1, others 3 mos, 6 mos, no events, big traumatic knock down drag out talks, others I suspect like me, need the same distance our respective Spouse' have asked for but it just took me a while.

If W comes back from her family after the holiday and says OK, willing to give it a try. My first reaction will be questions, not "giddy up" let's go! I seriously doubt it will happen. I have been here before and the only thing that brought us back together then were my efforts, not hers. Do I need to be hit on the head with a hammer or what? More likely it will be OK, how do we move this forward...Fine will be the answer.

C

[S.T. _I Made It!]

thanks Heim. I was kinda wondering. although my H found my thread somehow.. I know it was God's plan (long story) and later he actually said that was part of the reason he started changing his mind. So hopefully it will be a positive thing for her that he snooped.

CVA... I agree with Heim that it is definitely possible your W could give you what you need, as you can for her. I think it has a lot to do with pride though. when you've gone thru your R for so long in rejection, or whatever, I think it is difficult for people to humble themselves and become vulnerable. I know it was for me, but it can prove to be rewarding.

hope you all have a wonderful Christmas!