What does my XW Want?

[brantacan]

Oh how I relate. This is my first post, although I've been following the forum and DB for about 1.5 months. One of these days I'll post my story, just can never seem to describe my sich very succinctly.

About 7.5 months into S and WAW (seeing OM I might add)wanting D it simply amazes me how well we get along when we get together. We meet to discuss how we will proceed with D, but we end up just having great conversations and sometimes laughing. What really threw me off was after our last meeting this past weekend, we decided to put off D talk until after holidays and when we parted ways she gave me a Xmas gift???

This was unexpected and made worse by the fact that I had nothing for her. I made the decision to not give her anything as the holidays were going to be rough enough for her when she goes to see family, and felt she didn't need another reminder about the relationship right now. My way of backing off a bit. I am very reluctant to D, but feel like since I've "dropped the rope" she has been more open with me. Baby steps, but progress nonetheless. It does make me wonder though what she's thinking and why we're moving forward with this if we're able to get along so well. The OM is obviously a factor.

Although I've only been DB for a short time, I have been involved with other programs like Mort Fertel's marriage max system for sometime and have learned a great deal, so my advice would be to back off on the love letter, and get her something small that says you know her and at the same time has you written all over it. The love letter, although 1 yr has gone by, has some level of desperation, neediness associated with it. The gift, as I described, however, will say everything she needs to know. Continue to be confiedent and upbeat around her despite the circumstances and let her make a move if one's to be made.

Regarding the ex-in-laws. You're sich is a little different as some time has passed, but one thing that burned me around Thanksgiving was the fact that I sent my W's family turkey day cards. She was angry about this because she felt it made her look bad. In other words she felt it was an attempt on my part to rally her family around me. That was not my intention, but I certainly see her point. Just something to consider as you think about gifts for the in-laws.

My 2 cents. Hope others have additional advice.