You don't know that he isn't willing to step out of his comfort zone
But yes I do. He said flat out to me "I'm not going to do that. I'm just not comfortable doing that." That was in reference to basically pinning me down or pulling my hair I think. Something he felt was too "rape-like."
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I believe he has actually tried
Yeah, he did. But that was the end of that and he made the above comments.
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he also knows you are going to judge him if/when he fails
I'll admit I've been guilty of that in the past.
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How many times have you said you could have sex but you don't because it isn't what you like?
Many. I know, I know, I know.
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Alpha Soldier Guy is nice, sure... because you don't have to take any emotional risks whatsoever. It is exactly how you like it, so you don't HAVE to say one word.
But I bet the farm it wouldn't STAY that way, because once things got emotional between you, the sex would change.
Probably true. But I think we were emotionally connected even if we didn't come right out and say that at the time. When my H wanted to reconcile, OM told me to try and work it out with H. Looking back, if OM had told me "don't go, I want to make this work", I would have been like putty in his hands. I DID have strong feelings for him. And then when he contacted me about a year later to see if I was still M, happy, whatever, and to tell me he was basically still single...well...that through me for a loop yet again. Lost my point here, other than to say I just don't Know what would have happened if I didn't get back together with my H and that's what bugs me. Would I be happier today? Would I feel less emotional turmoil? a level of contentment? It's all very stressful.
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I think all the anger and avoidance you are accusing your H of... you are actually as guilty of, yourself.
Totally agree. But it doesn't make it just go away. I've got a lot of work to do on myself. Thanks Corri.
