I remember the just of it, but couldn't rewrite it like atlas did. wish i had that kind of memory.
I know the point was limit contact to important stuff and you don't need to validate over and over. Calling her back to validate more is overkill.
As for getting a face 2 face, is there anything going on with the kids coming up? What are you all doing for the holidays? I think there are a lot of legitimate reasons to meet up and talk. It's just important to make sure it's a good reason otherwise it will seem like you are being clingy and just want to be around her.
for what Atlas posted... this is a great post to read and reread. The whole thing.
Originally Posted By: atlas
...OM comes along, validates her feelings, gives her the EN that she has been missing. Well she isn't the "type" of person that would have an A, in her mind. So the guilt is killing her, eating her inside. So what she does is direct it at you, he did this to me, he made me feel inadequate like a slave, and her anger builds. So she tries to push your buttons, which person could do it better so be carefule, and if she gets a reaction then she gets justification for her feelings for OM and her actions. So no matter what don't react, don't give her that satisfaction.
SOOOO TRUE! My H asked me for a D after a year where he put me down and hurt me... and now he wanted a D. I was hurt first, but i was pissed off. A couple months later i had an EA. OM said everything I wanted to hear. I could vent to him, tell him how terrible my M had been, blah blah blah. I got his attitude towards my H like, you are supposed to love me, yet here is OM that actually cares what i say/think/feel (he didn't, but he played it well). I took that frustration out on H. I was also guilty. I never thought I'd have an A of any kind. I lied and hid it. I wasn't being me and I was miserable on the inside. my family didn't deserve that and i had all this guilt from everything. In my mind, at the time, H started all this by treating me so bad, that it was his fault (alien mindset) and i took it out on him. Every time he'd get mad, it was just one more reason that i needed OM.
It is definately going to be a long bumpy road. Hang in there.
If i can't fall in love... I'd like to fall in chocolate! ~ Author Unknown
