Here is a little background...I have been away from the boards for a few months:
Our problems escalated fast. H dropped the bomb and was moving in with suspected OW within the month. I was blindsighted and devastated. I truly felt like I wanted to die. My H is in the Air Force so I was very far away from family. I ended up getting a job in my hometown and moved home, which is about 1,000 miles away. This is when I was finally able to detach and try to move on. I had given up, the D was supposed to be final on Nov. 11th. H filled out some paper work wrong and it didn't go through. Neither one of us had a L...he agreed to everything I asked for just so that it would be done.
Fast forward to the day before Thanksgiving...my H called and said he was on his way home. This was very unexpected that he was even coming...and even more unexpected that he would let me know. He sounded like himself...not the alien he had become and that I had grown accustomed to. We met for dinner that night and he told me how horrible he felt and that he had made a huge mistake. He said he had ruined the only thing that was right in his life. I believed at the time he was having a MLC, but the timeline doesn't seem quite right if he is already seeing the light. T thought he may have PTSD as he was in Iraq for seven months and had the symptoms. Also, he is now out of the AF and doesn't have a clue what he wants to do with his life.
He told me he wanted to work on things and would not proceed with the D, but he understood if I never wanted to see him again becuase of the way he handled things. I told him if we were going to work on it I would want him to move here and for us to go to counseling and take things SLOW. I told him I want him to be 1000% sure this is what he wants because I can't go through this again. He was only here through that weekend and then went back. I have talked to him a lot over the past few weeks...but now feel confused. I have read on here so much that it is usually the LBS decision in the end...but never believed it. I am now seeing that it is true. I love my H, but there was so much deceit and he was so cold and mean. He said things that he can never take back and that I don't know if I can get out of my mind. How do I get past this?
He came back into town last night. We went to dinner and then he stayed the night with me (first time in 5 months). We talked, but nothing about R or OW. It was nice just hanging out with him. He told me he wished that I was more comfortable around him but he understands why I am not. He asked me if I would go look for apts. with him this weekend. He also asked if I would come to his parents house for Christmas. He just called and asked if I wanted to go shopping later to help him get presents for his family (talk about last minute!).
I guess my question is...when CAN I talk about the R. I feel so scared to bring anything up. I feel like as soon as I do that he is going to go running. The way he talks to me is just like nothing ever happened. I have so many questions that I need answers to. I guess I could wait and only bring things up in counseling. Are they usually willing to talk about things? Do they offer any explanation? Should I require an explanation? Am I just supposed to forgive and forget?
I am sorry for the long post, I just never thought it would be this hard if he did change his mind. I think I thought I would just be relieved and go on with our M, no questions asked. I am seeing it doesn't work that way.
