I had a dr. appt yesterday. we both went. then we had to pick up our girls and go take something to my MIL, by the time we got done it was about 7:30 and he decided he wanted to go out to eat, so we did. The girls were cranky because they'd just spend almost 2 hours in the car and all they wanted to do it run around. He doesn't handle it well when they start getting restless and we are out, so he was frustrated.
We got home, i put the girls to bed, we watched tv for a little bit and then decided we should go to bed because he wasn't feeling well and we hardly had any sleep the night before. He went and laid down, i wanted to pick up some of the mess the girls had made so we wouldn't have to wake up to that. I tucked the girls back into their blankets and went to bed. so I start kissing him and stuff... he stops me and asks me why i'm doing that. Asked him if he wanted me to stop and he said "for now, why" first of all WTH? ok... whatever. I told him that i wanted to. He asked if i thought we were giong to have sex and I told him I'd like to. He asked if that was what i really wanted. I said yes. He asked why. I told him i just wanted to be with him. He asked if I was doing it for him. I told him that i wanted to make him feel good. That it made me happy when i could do that. (this is the wrong answer!!!)that started a whole back and forth on how he just wants me to want him, and want sex. he doesn't want me doing it for him. he said that knowing that makes him not even want to do that...etc etc etc...
So, here's the question. Should i have lied? i don't want to lie. I didn't come right out and say, "i don't want to, i'm only doing this because you want it", but it had that same effect. I want to be honest with him, but i don't want to lie. I tried avoiding the why, but he wasn't taking that. We ended up going to sleep with a kiss goodnight.
He woke up this morning feeling miserable (sick). I think the lack of sleep and the night we spent in the rain waiting for the tow truck made him sick again. He gave me a big hug and kiss when he dropped me off.
I think i've been in a constant state of confusion.
If i can't fall in love... I'd like to fall in chocolate! ~ Author Unknown
