I do tend to agree with Gman regarding the children. Since your wife doesn't want to be around her family, it is no reason to deny your children. The children, of course, are the most important people in all of this.
As for your wife's family and their reaction to your W, that is up to them. Nothing you can do about. It is good that you encourage them not to take it out on her. Shows class. You may want to tell them about DBing. They need to just let things lie. They could be pushing her farther away.
For the most part, I would say stop asking your wife to do things. You are banging your head against the wall and all that gives you is a headache. I just wondered if the holidays produced a different dynamic, i.e. more willing to spend family time (meaning you and the children).
In regards to your physical changes, it is hard for me to comment. As for her career aspirations, I tend to be very supportive of people who want to take on new challenges. Again without knowing her, I cannot know what her reasoning is. But it would seem to me that getting into "fighting shape" would make sense for a firefighter.
With regards to MLC, I can't comment. I really don't like MLC as presented here because it puts all the focus on the MLC spouse and not enough on the people left behind. But the key focus on DB isn't on the wayward spouse, but rather on you. As Michele says you can only control your actions, not someone else's. We do have to look at ourselves.
