Bomber, No IC didn't reveal it to me on here. A lot goes on that is not on here. I've found these boards to be a wealth of knowledge and opens our discussions up to other points of view that might not be realized in just our 1 on 1 conversations. At this point in time, I WANT it on here. At some point counseling will and should occur - When I'm ready. Do I want to see IC lynched on here? No! Through all the anger and bitterness, he is still the man I love...now if I can see past that anger and if he can do whatever it is that he needs to do to shine through this anger remains to be seen.
Right now, No..we are not having face to face discussions - MY choice! Right now he is giving me my space and NOT pursuing with any begging and pleading. To his credit, he has been available and very forthcoming with any questions that I have asked. I can tell by his responses to my questions that they are honest....he knows I want the truth and has not been sugar coating things to spare my feelings. As much as the truth hurts...it's necessary for ME to try and move forward. He has owned up to what he has done and is shouldering the blame....Did I play a part in that? I'm not to that point yet...right now it's HIS ACTIONS and nothing else.
He has owned up to what he has done and is shouldering the blame....Did I play a part in that?
(((((Miss IC)))))
I'm not sure what you're asking there but to be clear you have NO blame in IC's decision to f*ck up! He had no excuse for what he did. I don't care if you refused sex and he felt devastated. If he was that devastated, then he could have left rather than what he did.
To me someone saying that the excuse for their affair is their lousy marriage is just avoiding their own personal issues. Plenty of people with good marriages have affairs and plenty of people with lousy marriages don't. I think the ownership belongs to the person with the bad judgment. It's not like an affair is the only choice. A person can leave a marriage on their own if it's really that bad.
I know I would hate to be in a marriage where going through rough times was an open invitation for an affair. ALL marriages go through rough times as far as I can tell.
My opinion anyway...
I'm really sorry you're going through all of this. And I wish I had some better advice or help for you and IC.
But what is happiness except the simple harmony between a man and the life he leads? ~Albert Camus
FWIW...I'm not defending IC's actions so much as I'm defending mine. The flirting that you all see on here from IC is not reality and I took it with the grain of salt that it is. I don't want it to seem that I am just some little meek spouse following along behind her husband and letting him flirt with every girl that comes along....It's not like that. Yes, he's witty and fresh with the ladies on here, but I've never been in a situation with IC in real life where any of his comments have made me feel uncomfortable or as if he were flirting.
I'm at a loss for why this happened. This does not change things for me right now, but if you people only knew the real IC you would see how atypical this action is from him. That is what is making this all the more difficult for me.
[b]I'm not sure what you're asking there but to be clear you have NO blame in IC's decision to f*ck up! He had no excuse for what he did. I don't care if you refused sex and he felt devastated. If he was that devastated, then he could have left rather than what he did.
Thanks Fearless,
I'm not really clear what I was asking there...not really asking anything I guess. Just to clear things up, No I'm not feeling the blame on IC's decision and FWIW, he has not offered any of what you said as an excuse...he has not offered an excuse period!
I think he hasn't offered an excuse because that's just what it would be, an excuse. Not sure where that leaves him to go, really. Would certainly be better to avoid the situation in the first place, than to try to explain it later. I feel for both of you. I understand how it could happen, though it is unexcusable. And I understand being terribly hurt, and wanting to understand it.
Well, I guess fcukups have occurred in the past? Care to give an example? Not necessarily in the sexual area, I'm assuming?
So when he was assuring you that everything was okay, YOU knew in your heart of hearts that SOMETHING was wrong. And he wants you to TRUSTTRUSTTRUST him. And yet this is a pattern??? It sounds like you have reason to wonder whether you can.
