Yeah, I did pretty good yesterday. Went to family counseling with her and the kids and had a great time laughing with the kids. She gave me some funny looks which I didn't know how to interpret. At first I thought she was warming up but kind of withdrew towards the end and didn't go to dinner with me and kids. I didn't invite her, but thought she might mention it.
Anyhow, we had a couple of issues. She wants me to take the kids on New Years eve to her brother's house. Her brother and family are blaming her for our breakup and she is mad at him. Says she wont go over there (we go every year usually). Her brother and I have been friends before we started dating. Unfortunately most of her family is siding with me even though I have told them not to take sides. They kind of see how much she has changed since MLC started. But I don't think they see it as a MLC as much as a EA or PA with my neighbor. So I don't know what to do with her family. I love them all dearly but am afraid they are not helping things by taking my side. It builds her resentment for me. I guess it's partially my fault because I called her mother when I found her at his house one morning on his computer (she say's she was helping him find a job online and he is computer illiterate). So I don't know if I should stick with her family or not. We all were aways very close. My wife would talk to her mom every night and get together at least once a week. That's all changed now.
H 42 W 37 M17 T20 years 3 daughters 11,11,14 seperated 11/26/07 EA neighbor/ moved in w/ him 2/8 Filed for D 01/08 finalized soon
I don;t really know yur story so if I miss something, [please exacuse me.
When I read abouty New Years Eve, my thought was that if she doesn't want to go to her brother's, perhaps it would make sense to see if you can find an alternative plans for your family which includes your wife. Also, it would be interesting to see your wife's reaction.
I could try but she keeps turning me down on doing anything with me. She talked about going to my company Christmas party but changed her mind. She wouldn't go on a weekender to Daytona with me...do you think I should still try??
H 42 W 37 M17 T20 years 3 daughters 11,11,14 seperated 11/26/07 EA neighbor/ moved in w/ him 2/8 Filed for D 01/08 finalized soon
Patrick I like the idea of inviting her to do stuff. If she continues to turn you down act like that's fine, no big deal. No anger or resentment at all and you go ahead with the plans with the kids and have a good time.
This goes for any event, not just NYE.
BFM
There is only one person who could ever make you happy, and that person is you. David Burns, Intimate Connections
Just a thought but I wouldn't deny the kids a chance to see family.IMO Family love and support is one thing they need right now. As for the weekend trip or any trip. ya invite her once if she says no then so be it. Don't push cause that will cause her to run.
Gman Me 40 W 30 kids B 11 B 10 D 8 Been here off and on since 06. PA Confirmed Dec 08.. With God, anything is possible. Do or do not there is no try. Sometimes you have to roll the hard six...
Thanksgiving the kids and I went to my moms for dinner and met her at her moms for desert. I stayed for desert since they invited me to, and she got angry about it. She knew I was coming but I think she feels they are being nice to me and giving her the cold shoulder. There is some truth to it but she has changed physically (went from 135 lbs to 110 lbs) and mentally. She decided she wants to be a firefighter and is taking the classes now. I think it kind of freaks them out and it causes them to act differently toward her. This family thing seems to make it harder. I know her mom and sister have tried to talk and support her. But I don't think they support her choices. The MLC has changed her!
H 42 W 37 M17 T20 years 3 daughters 11,11,14 seperated 11/26/07 EA neighbor/ moved in w/ him 2/8 Filed for D 01/08 finalized soon
I do tend to agree with Gman regarding the children. Since your wife doesn't want to be around her family, it is no reason to deny your children. The children, of course, are the most important people in all of this.
As for your wife's family and their reaction to your W, that is up to them. Nothing you can do about. It is good that you encourage them not to take it out on her. Shows class. You may want to tell them about DBing. They need to just let things lie. They could be pushing her farther away.
For the most part, I would say stop asking your wife to do things. You are banging your head against the wall and all that gives you is a headache. I just wondered if the holidays produced a different dynamic, i.e. more willing to spend family time (meaning you and the children).
In regards to your physical changes, it is hard for me to comment. As for her career aspirations, I tend to be very supportive of people who want to take on new challenges. Again without knowing her, I cannot know what her reasoning is. But it would seem to me that getting into "fighting shape" would make sense for a firefighter.
With regards to MLC, I can't comment. I really don't like MLC as presented here because it puts all the focus on the MLC spouse and not enough on the people left behind. But the key focus on DB isn't on the wayward spouse, but rather on you. As Michele says you can only control your actions, not someone else's. We do have to look at ourselves.
Jack and RCR have "Been there done that,wrote the book and sold the movie rights"
Jack, I think they forgot to pay me for those rights. What was your share?
Oh well, if I got anything I'd have to give most to IMP anyway.
Maybe he doesn't want credit for me, but's helped anyway.
Patrick, it is good IMP has popped in here to help; listen to him. He will be straight forward and tell it as he sees it. He's been here a long time.
HUGS, RCR
Just a quick hijack - sorry !!! RCR, I think you are a wonderful person....you always give IMP such credit and expect none from him in return - a TRUE lady !!!
Love yah - and miss yah ! Take care xxxx
Love Cinders xxx
"In the depths of my winter, I realized there is within me an invincible summer" Albert Camus
