well, all hell broke loose, it is over and done

[cat03]

thanks Atlas :), he is an officer so I cant take the gun away. I think he is not a danger to himself anymore, though he is still a mess. It just happens today he had a physical done, thank heavens, and got the std tests done, he's about 20lbs under weight--it never fails, whenever he is with ow he looses an incredible amount, and he can't afford to loose a gram, he is so tall.

Its so sad, what he is feeling now is what needed to happen the second time I found out about the A, he truly is repentant, he truly is sorry, not for getting caught and because his fun is over, but sorry he risked what is most dear for a woman a shade above a prostitute.
I actually see guilt, he tells me with real sorrow in his face how sorry he is, for you who've been with me since last year, you'll remember he never really appologized, neither this past summer when I found out about her, he was just flustered and riled up. If only he'd been repentant sooner...this wouldnt' be happening. I think he is mostly upset because he sees it might be too late, that now that he actually is sorry and repentant about the damage he has done to us but this time I am not waiting with open arms like the first time.

He's never showed this much emotion, at all, a good deal of his grief is the fact that he is totally broken and has no idea what to do or if the pain will ever end. I console him some, but at a distance, he needs this to sink in, to understand what he is about to loose.

We will be going to his T at 1, pray for us and keep us in your thoughts, I'm at work right now. Thanks)))))))))