GGG- What it means to me.

[fearless]

Mojo: OTOH, it brings up feelings of I must be a loser to have been married to and actually "in love" with such a PAL...

(((((Mojo)))))

To me this issue of judging yourself as a loser is more toward the root cause of your current issues. Why judge yourself like this???? Okay that's somewhat rhetorical because my best friend is working through similar self-judging issues with her counselor.

You are not and were not a loser to be married to such a PAL. You consciously chose to marry the father of your son and to believe that you could make a marriage with him work regardless of his ineptness to be any sort of decent husband or even friend to you. That's one thing I really liked about GP - how he stressed that what you were willing and able to put up with from your 2bx to keep your family together is proof of how strong you are and what a positive capable person you are. So many women in your position would not have been able to keep their sanity and self confidence like you have. YES it has taken a toll on you and your self-confidence and I think sometimes you might not take it seriously enough until you hit a moment where you have the intense "I'm a loser" feeling. Then it hits you hard but I'm not sure how much work you're doing to address it as much as getting angry and then after you're over it, you let it go instead of really looking at how to REALLY get over it. It must be uncomfortable to really think about those feelings and on top of it I'm sure your friends and family don't take those feelings that seriously because it's SO obvious that you are a great woman and not a loser!! My thoughts, anyway...

Also:

...and the proof of this is the fact that I haven't dealt with this mess appropriately.

The proof of being a loser or the proof that you feel like a loser?? Seriously think about what you were thinking when you wrote that.

I'll agree that the feeling like a loser probably does drive how you are handling things right now. And that it whether you are actively feeling like a loser or actively avoiding the feeling that you feel like a loser. Does that make sense!!??