Kind of hard to see that working since she started the EA after she did not think I was sincere about getting out of the Army (10/19/07-I found the email I sent to the Army which she says flipped a switch). She knows that I am getting out but I have said that before. Not sure how to prove it since there are so many months before I am actually out (June 08)
mcol, the burden of proof isn't only on you. Yes, you need to demonstrate, in words and actions, that you're working to remove the obstacles to your reconciliation. Unless there's something you haven't shared with us, you've done that -- earnestly -- with your career.
The burden of proof is also on HER to show that she is at least willing to work on her marriage before she makes the unilateral decision to end it, and throw 20 years away. The first step of that work is to end her affair, and step "1a" is to admit that it IS one.
I don't see her doing that, and you need to put that heat squarely back on her. "Honey, I am doing everything within my power to remove what you have indicated are the biggest obstacles to our future intimacy. You need to do the same, and end the affair, so we can work on this marriage. Let me know what you'd like to do, because I am a patient man, but my patience is not limitless."
You are not putting the accountability onto her, and you have not communicated that your patience has an ending point. You don't have to put a date ON it, but you do need to draw a boundary and communicate that there IS a boundary, and you have to decide for yourself first that you MEAN it, and are willing to tell her to get out.
