State of Mind

[BeingMe]

Hi FA! Thanks for the comments, and interest in my really long drawn out sitch (which could've been so much worse than it is, but had the potential to be really awesome if only H would get with the program, but I know I cannot control him, so I wait .... for now). Phew! Long-winded sentence!

I really don't want to be a WAW, and at this point I don't see myself leaving in the near future. I am horribly loyal to a fault, and tend to be idealistic and gosh awfully honourable. I am one of those irritating types that just can't understand someone breaking a promise, let alone a vow. I even felt guilty leaving my first M, which was abusive, and only left for the sake of my then D4 (she is D27 now ... good grief, how time flies!).

This is the problem of getting to the Piecing part of DB'ing ... ya both have to be on board, otherwise it's just going to go back to the same ol', same ol', and I think that's what's happening here.

I am also just tired of trying to analyze my sitch, trying to figure H out, trying to find a way to trust him again, to forget (I have forgiven, but the forgetting is the hard part), to feel safe in the R. I know that I have built up a wall around my heart (hence the detachment), and it's getting higher and higher, the longer he lets things go unsaid, unchanged, unexamined, and unacknowledged. Don't get me wrong ... I don't feel sorry for myself, or like I'm some martyr to his 'evil'. I know what his good points are, otherwise I would've kicked him out when I found out about the OW.

Ugh! Enough wallowing! I am so past the 'wondering why's', and yet I seem to revisit it on occasion. I just need to get over this little hump in the road. They crop up now and then, but soon I will find a way to be my usual happy self. I should listen to some Great Big Sea music.

I hope I can help you in your sitch in some, small way. No-one's sitch is completely the same, but there are the odd similarities that tend to crop up, and maybe I can help circumnavigate some of the possible pitfalls, or give you a different perspective, thereby some food for thought.

Thanks again for visiting, and take care of yeself. Oh, I see you're also in Canada. Cool! I'm on the left side .... which side are you (if you don't mind the personal question)?