State of Mind

[fooled again]

BeingMe

I wanted to check out your thread since you have been giving me so much to think about on mine. I wanted to see from what vantage point your philosophical musings come. And now that I understand a little more of what you've been through, I can accept some of your advice a little more readily, being that you have traveled this path for some time.

This is a tough time of year for many people, and I guess even harder for those of us who have high expectations of ourselves and those around us. My father always taught me to stick up for myself, for what I deserve and I think I may have forgotten that for awhile. It's starting to come back, through what you (and others) have been posting on my thread. I think I have been fighting to hang onto something that I had already lost a long time ago, which quite a bit different from fighting for what I feel I deserve. Maybe that is how I find the strength to get through this and really make my life into what I want it to be, and my M into what I believe it could be, if that's possible.

You wrote

I don't think he will ever truly understand what he did to our M

and I wonder that about my H. But maybe we are both wrong and they simply want to put that part in a compartment and send it away so that life can be simple again. In the midst of the drama of everything I have been and am still going through, I envy you a little the boring, predictability of daily life. But I would hate to see you a WAW after having come so far. I guess that is one of my own biggest fears, that after I go through this hell with my H, if I get him to come home and our lives find some normalcy, that I will discover that that which I fought so hard to get back won't be the thing I really needed after all, that I will be disappointed.

I hope that you do find joy in the little things this season brings. I guess that is where we all have to start to look for joy, passion, love. Those little things are like wild strawberries, tiny and hard to find, but just one on your tongue tastes like music!

Merry Christmas and thank you for taking the time to read and write to me.

P.S. Thanks for turning me on to Great Big Sea. They are fantastic, upbeat, and though I was familiar with a couple of their songs, I never really listened to the lyrics. Great music to pick me up when I'm feeling down - "When I'm Up I Can't Get Down", may become my new theme song!!