More Growing and Healing

[Michael Mc C]

During the previous several years of my depression, before the bomb and the db'ing, I truly believed that there was nobody in the world who would come to my aid. Not even her. And I lost faith in myself so even I couldn't help me.

I recall that you felt your wife abandoned you in your time of need. You were battling depression and alcohol abuse and instead of providing comfort and aid she threatened to leave you.

Remember, thanks to you, she has since grown.

Does she know how you feel right now? Do you think that she can, or will at least attempt to, provide aid and support?

If my wife opened up and told me how she was feeling before walking away, my odds for success would be much better and there wouldn't be nearly as much personal trauma. Maybe you don't see yourself actually leaving in the near future but you know how resentment can build when you're in need of help and the ones you count on for support are not offering it. Stop the resentment before it has a chance to take root. Do not assume your wife, or anyone for that matter, know how you feel.

This opening up, the honesty, would have been a gift compared to how I found out about my wife's true feelings.

Give your wife that gift. Let her step up and appease your needs. Challenge her, in a sense, to be YOUR rock and to help you through this rough patch. Let her "woman up". I'm sure you must have doubts and fears - will she step up, is she strong enough, does she love me enough - but I think you need to face these fears.

Give your wife the opportunity to show you what she has learned and gained and grown into. Consider it a final exam for piecing... I imagine piecing is not complete until everyone feels whole once again.