You might want to check out http://www.retrouvaille.org It's an awesome program put on by the Catholic Church but open to anyone.
Know all about it. My initial goal was to get W there in Feb. Ironically, there is one available here on same weekend as our wedding anniversary. Week after my IHD ends (no kidding). I don't know how far in advance I can schedule it. I've looked into it but have been holding off because I don't want to pressure W at all & just waiting to see how things go over the next few weeks.
You and Amy have given me some GREAT support & advice today. Thanks! Well, I'm off to GAL tonite with some new AA 'buddies' that want to stop by my apt after meeting!
_________________________ Me: 38 W: 36 R 16 M 12 2 kids: S6, D4 Bomb: 10/22/07 Sep: 12/11/07 My First Thread, My Story
Jab, This anger and resentment is natural and it will fade in time. I know first hand it is hard as hell but you must forgive her. You don't have to want to and you don't have to like it, but you must.It's out of your hands now. Just keep working on you!!
Today wasn't bad. My anger/resentment subsiding for the moment. Being replaced by depression/sadness again. Hopefully at some point, my emotions start to settle at a 'content/happy medium'.
W called me again this morning. Something about dog puking/crapping all over. She had to clean carpets & bank acct low so she wanted me to know so I don't overdraw the acct (we're low on $ until paychecks roll in). I have $ stashed up that I was going to throw in there but haven't told W yet (we're still using joint acct).
I was busy at work today, at least that is going well for me. Some new friends came over last night to check out my apt. They are from AA, some really nice guys but not really the type of people I see myself spending alot of time with. It was nice having someone over though. I realized today that I haven't been out with friends or had any friends over for more than 4 months now (not by my choice). No wonder I'm so lonely! Can't wait until IHD is over so I can socialize more.
I called home to say goodnite to kids but S6 was already in bed & D4 was watching 'frosty' on TV (she didn't want to talk). Talked to W briefly, she sounded ok, we just had a couple min of small talk & said goodbye.
W is bringing over some pets tomorrow in prep for her & kids going to visit family on SUN. W is also bringing kids for me to watch while she goes out with her co-workers/friends/whoever. Thinking that W has been out with 'friends' several times over the past couple months & I haven't gone out with friends once (yes, I'm a little jealous). W did say when she called this morning that she probably wasn't going to stay out long on THUR & that she was just going to leave early & go home. I'm not sure what that means, is she coming here or going back to house & coming here in AM, or what? I didn't ask for details & it really doesn't matter. I just said, ok. I hope to try and make her feel like whatever she decides to do that she doesn't feel any pressure from me. I'd rather W goes out & has a good time (whatever that entails) than have a lousy time and blame it on me.
There's alot of things I want her to do but I can't control her. I can only control myself & I'm trying to make a list of productive things to do to keep me busy. I AM doing pretty good at keeping my mind off of the possible EA/PA. I still have no idea what is/was going on with that & I haven't even mentioned it here in over a week. I've done a good job keeping my mind off it, haven't asked any questions regarding an A or OM to W since the 'phone bill incident'. We'll see what the phone bill looks like for DEC
One thing I was wondering, I'm not really sure how to handle contact with W at the moment. W is calling me every day but always has a 'reason' & calls are very brief. I haven't initiated contact with her for several weeks now (even before S, I didn't call her from work unless I had to). Should I continue doing this or should I start initiating contact with her? W hasn't acted angry or annoyed with anything that I have been doing lately (just the one bout with son's lunch but she was just stressed because of 'work issue'), nor with any of the few calls that I have made to her. I know I'm supposed to allow her to 'miss me' & let her 'pursue me' but I don't want her to think I just don't want to be around her or talk to her (I think she was feeling that a little the other day when she had dinner at my apt). At what point should LBS start initiating contact with the WAS? Any suggestions for my sitch?
_________________________ Me: 38 W: 36 R 16 M 12 2 kids: S6, D4 Bomb: 10/22/07 Sep: 12/11/07 My First Thread, My Story
jab, everything I'm hearing from your wife does not sound like a woman that is done with you. I would not change anything yet. I think you'll know when you can break out a bit. She might say call me, or let me know. Don't rush jab. And it really sounds like the affair isn't, to me. And think carefully before you really try to find out.
I think same thing about affair. I think COG hit the nail on the head regarding it (at least that's what I hope) in an earlier post. BUT the phone bill WILL come, I WILL see it, i just hope that # isn't on it (at least too much). I'm just letting that be for now, not thinking about it much, hasn't really bothered me because of W's reaction/changes (a baby 'leap').
I don't think W is done with me, either. I'm still learning patience. This would be so much easier (albeit still not easy, better expressed as less difficult) if it wasn't the holidays & I wasn't on IHD.
_________________________ Me: 38 W: 36 R 16 M 12 2 kids: S6, D4 Bomb: 10/22/07 Sep: 12/11/07 My First Thread, My Story
You're doing fine! Keep on doing what your doing because it's working.
Regarding initiating contact. Well, that's a tough one. You just have to feel it out, go with the flow, pray about it and listen for an answer. She may very well be continually initiating contact because she wants to make sure your okay, your still connected, maybe even keeping tabs on you. Now if you start the initiating, she might not have any reason for it anymore. I think it's fine to initiate, but just allow the proper balance to flow.
Regarding the telephone bill: I say just pay that darned thing and forget about it. No good will come from snooping. It'll just make YOU more miserable. Because what will you do if you see his number there again, or several times? Will you confront her about it? Will the confrontation improve your R?
It is your own insecurity and fear that are pressuring you to look at the phone bill. Beware the tactics of the dark one. Fear, insecurity, those little seeds of doubt. Very subtle, but can change the course of history. Your need to see the telephone bill is more about YOU and less about her. Take stock of that. Fight the temptation. If she is having an affair you will find out eventually. She won't be able to hide it. So in the meantime, allow yourself to be vulnerable, live in the moment, cherish every breath you take, and allow your W the freedom to live.
God Bless,
COG
My Story http://www.divorcebusting.com/forum...&Number=660444&page=2#Post660444
Just an idea on the phone bill. If you know roughly when you get it and when it's due, can you just call the phone compnay and make the payment over the phone. I pay all my bills online or by phone. Then there is no tempation to look at the bill, just mark that you paid it on the outside of the envelope and file it away.... eventually you'll be able to overlook that, but right now it seems like you might not be able to resist checking.
keep praying. God's got the plan, you just keep trying to let him tell you what it is!
If i can't fall in love... I'd like to fall in chocolate! ~ Author Unknown
