I compliment you on your timing, IC. *sigh* Nothing that cries "double bind" as loudly as a spouse admitting to a ONS while undergoing chemo. There's a clean, self-righteous anger that a BS has every right to feel that your wife won't ever be able to feel when she needs it most, which is now. And just before Christmas, too. *double sigh*
Southern Girl, Yes, the timing sucks. When is it ever NOT going to suck? I don't know the answers to these but...would it have been better to tell her right after, while we're in discussions about divorce? Or before she goes down south to help out her aging parents? Or when she comes home and we've begun putting the pieces of our marriage back together..rock the boat then? Or Thanksgiving? Or birthdays, anniversaries, Christmas...chemo? When is the opportune time to say "Oh by the way...I had a ONS with some woman at the bar?"
As for the "why?" This is a cop-out excuse in my book but if need be known...Because it was there! Something that wasn't happening at home was there in front of me. Was it what I wanted? For an ever slight moment, yea...I thought sex is what I wanted. I realized too late, that sex was not what I wanted...I wanted love and validation and thought sex would give me that...only one problem...I wanted love and validation from my wife.
You asked how I explain that it won't happen again because...fill in the blank. I don't know this answer. How do I build that shattered trust again...if I even can? There is no EA going on, or an ongoing PA where she can check my e-mail, check my phone, check my whereabouts...she has all that! I've never been in contact with this woman again, never wanted to! Southern Girl, Miss IC...I can't answer that question right now...I don't know. I know this means NOTHING to you right now, but the only thing I can say about it not happening again is how I feel right now and basically everyday since it happened...I know in my heart that this won't happen again, but like I said...this means nothing to you right now.
