WAW staying, I'm leaving to give her space..(2)

[jab]

Today wasn't bad. My anger/resentment subsiding for the moment. Being replaced by depression/sadness again. Hopefully at some point, my emotions start to settle at a 'content/happy medium'.

W called me again this morning. Something about dog puking/crapping all over. She had to clean carpets & bank acct low so she wanted me to know so I don't overdraw the acct (we're low on $ until paychecks roll in). I have $ stashed up that I was going to throw in there but haven't told W yet (we're still using joint acct).

I was busy at work today, at least that is going well for me. Some new friends came over last night to check out my apt. They are from AA, some really nice guys but not really the type of people I see myself spending alot of time with. It was nice having someone over though. I realized today that I haven't been out with friends or had any friends over for more than 4 months now (not by my choice). No wonder I'm so lonely! Can't wait until IHD is over so I can socialize more.

I called home to say goodnite to kids but S6 was already in bed & D4 was watching 'frosty' on TV (she didn't want to talk). Talked to W briefly, she sounded ok, we just had a couple min of small talk & said goodbye.

W is bringing over some pets tomorrow in prep for her & kids going to visit family on SUN. W is also bringing kids for me to watch while she goes out with her co-workers/friends/whoever. Thinking that W has been out with 'friends' several times over the past couple months & I haven't gone out with friends once (yes, I'm a little jealous). W did say when she called this morning that she probably wasn't going to stay out long on THUR & that she was just going to leave early & go home. I'm not sure what that means, is she coming here or going back to house & coming here in AM, or what? I didn't ask for details & it really doesn't matter. I just said, ok. I hope to try and make her feel like whatever she decides to do that she doesn't feel any pressure from me. I'd rather W goes out & has a good time (whatever that entails) than have a lousy time and blame it on me.

There's alot of things I want her to do but I can't control her. I can only control myself & I'm trying to make a list of productive things to do to keep me busy. I AM doing pretty good at keeping my mind off of the possible EA/PA. I still have no idea what is/was going on with that & I haven't even mentioned it here in over a week. I've done a good job keeping my mind off it, haven't asked any questions regarding an A or OM to W since the 'phone bill incident'. We'll see what the phone bill looks like for DEC

One thing I was wondering, I'm not really sure how to handle contact with W at the moment. W is calling me every day but always has a 'reason' & calls are very brief. I haven't initiated contact with her for several weeks now (even before S, I didn't call her from work unless I had to). Should I continue doing this or should I start initiating contact with her? W hasn't acted angry or annoyed with anything that I have been doing lately (just the one bout with son's lunch but she was just stressed because of 'work issue'), nor with any of the few calls that I have made to her. I know I'm supposed to allow her to 'miss me' & let her 'pursue me' but I don't want her to think I just don't want to be around her or talk to her (I think she was feeling that a little the other day when she had dinner at my apt). At what point should LBS start initiating contact with the WAS? Any suggestions for my sitch?