I would try not to think about the call to the lawyer. You don't know what it is about and won't for a while. Enjoy your D. They are only 5 once. Trust me, you'll appreciate the time and the memories.
Found out that my WAW is not going to file fault by contacting my lawyer and then they called WAW's secretary. They know my attorney is out of town and we are working on changes. Thus, I have more time. Just like I tell others...the more time that goes by the better chances I have. Still bothers me she calling her attorney. It has been a month since I got the no-fault version. I just didn't want to receive the evil fault version over the time with 5D nor over the holiday season. I guess I was overly optimistic that today, our 1st date anniversary, our wedding anniversary friday, and the x-mas holidays would give her pause and reconsideration.
I won't worry about it anymore. Like I tell others, she is in control and will do whatever whether I like it or not. What I can do is have a good time with 5D, show her a great life, continue GAL for myself, and leave WAW alone. This and only this will give me a chance with WAW, maybe.
I should really just believe more in the statement...
Quote:
Believe little the WAW does and 50% of what they say.
Problem I have is that I also have to protect myself and 5D. Hard to play both sides of this fence when 5D is involved. It would be SO much easier without 5D.
Another thing, I need to better detach and not put myself in a position to learn things I do not want to know. I wish I did not know that she contacted lawyer, screwed up whole day.
Back to the PMA - I will see WAW on x-mas eve when she brings 5D at 8:00pm. 5D will then give WAW her gifts. I am thinking of asking WAW to be Santa with me at this time. If nothing else, she would want to see what I got 5D for x-mas. This can be a start.
I need to better identify and work on goals when communicating with WAW, so here's a start.
Goals 1) To listen more and talk less. 2) To emphathize with her, understand her, and validate her when communicating by putting myself in her shoes and not my own. This is easier for me when I, in a way, detach from myself. 3) To avoid poor communication habits such as unresponsive answers like how was your day? "fine" or what she percieves as 'digs' by giving fuller, concise, open answers like, "It was a great day with a few suprises." 4) To end the commmunication/interaction first. This is a 180 to boot for me because I usually do not want phone calls to end. 5) To know ahead of time, if given the opportunity, how I will say things to her regarding R.
Well, my WAW called at 2:45 in a panic over picking up 5D. Apparently, 5D school closed early and the note I received was in error. She got FIL to pick her up. It completely invalidated me. I felt like I was unable to take care of my family.
Spoke with DB counselor. I am not going to bring this invalidation up with WAW. I am going to just tell her it was a misunderstanding based upon the poor note the school sent home. Hope that helps.
Well, when she called last night it did not go well. I should have just not spoken. But, I broke one of my rules and basically wanted to talk. Stupid of me. After her first sentence, I said, "sweetheart, I whatever". She immediately fired back that I was not her sweetheart. It was a slip of course she hammered me for it. She hung up wanting to talk to 5D. I called back and said here is 5D and I wanted to talk back with her. When I got back on the phone, I told her I was sorry for what happened. I said that the note said something different. It hurt me because it made me feel like I could not take care of my family. I know that you missed your x-mas party(which is crap because she only missed maybe 5minutes) and I am sorry. I understand you were in a panic of motherly instinct of oh my goodness who is taking care of 5D. She listened to all of this and then just got angry with that evil tone. She spoke of putting up with this stuff for a 11 years(married amount time) but nothing that made sense. Like she was so mad that she could not speak. She then said that do not try to understand how she feels.
Positives 1) I was calm and not angry 2) I explained what happened.
Negatives 1) I should not have spoken to her. 2) I let her get angry about a simple misunderstanding 3) I over-validated apparently 4) Said sweetheart by mistake 5) I apologized more than once...stupid...she does not accept it or anything I do now. 6) I explained myself...she does not want to hear it. Should not bother with it. 7) She got off phone first again.
I am sick of getting hammered with her evil comments. I am going as dark as possible to take the anger out of her and give me peace. Only problem is that I have to decide about attorney stuff. It costs a fortune that I do not have. Since, she cannot win a fault case, I could work on the no-fault on my own until necessary.
