Depends, on what exactly. And when. And why. And on your willingness to own up. And on MissICs willingness to work through this and forgive, whatever it was. Actually, it depends mostly on the last three. Good luck.
Yea, I know. Right now, I'm feeling like those things on her part are not going to happen.
FWIW...it was back in April. Miss IC and myself were not doing well. Miss IC went to a girlfriends house after a very minor arguement (she didn't go there because of the arguement, she was going there anyways) I went out to a local sports bar, watched some sports, had a few...some woman came onto me and I allowed her in my life and now I'm paying the price....I f*cked up
Depends, on what exactly. And when. And why. And on your willingness to own up. And on MissICs willingness to work through this and forgive, whatever it was. Actually, it depends mostly on the last three. Good luck.
Yea, I know. Right now, I'm feeling like those things on her part are not going to happen.
FWIW...it was back in April. Miss IC and myself were not doing well. Miss IC went to a girlfriends house after a very minor arguement (she didn't go there because of the arguement, she was going there anyways) I went out to a local sports bar, watched some sports, had a few...some woman came onto me and I allowed her in my life and now I'm paying the price....I f*cked up
Outch.
First time, only time? If there's anything else, tell her now. No matter if you think it'll only make things worse for you. "Worse" is if she finds out bit by bit. This is your first and only chance to come completely clean with her IC.
Answer all her questions. Give her space, if she needs time to think. Be there.
At least those are the things I think I would want. Those who have actually been in MissIC's shoes might have better advice.
You don't have to ask me or anyone else here what you need to do. You are way smarter than that.
No Corri, No I'm not. A smart man would have realized long ago what kind of woman he had in Miss IC and would not have put himself in a situation where this would happen. I'm obviously not that smart.
I've hurt her bad. I've hurt the one constant that I could always count on in my life.
Originally Posted By: corri
And you had better get completely and utterly well so Mrs. IC can level your azz, so SHE can heal.
First time, only time? If there's anything else, tell her now. No matter if you think it'll only make things worse for you. "Worse" is if she finds out bit by bit. This is your first and only chance to come completely clean with her IC.
First time, only time, last time...but a lot of good that does now.
Nope, no other skeletons in the closet...just this lone giant of a one.
Should have fessed up a long time ago...didn't. Did the whole STD testing thing out of respect for Miss IC...and myself, but just couldn't bring myself to tell her. Been eating at me ever since...she's sensed something was wrong and I can't stand to see her beat herself up thinking that something is wrong with HER, so I had to come clean.
Yea IC, you really f*cked up! I do appreciate you having the ba!!s to finally fess up to it and thank you I guess for the where-with-all to have the test...but yes IC, you f*cked up and where that leads from here, I don't know.
I don't really feel like talking to you right now, but there is something that bothers me (among other things)...You come on here offering your tidbits of sympathy, understanding and advice to some of the cheated on spouses on here like Journey, Red, Bomber etc...and..and..look at you! In your words..WTF? Is this in some way, YOU trying to atone for what YOU did?
Why IC? Why? I know things were not good for us, but still...
No, I'm not trying to atone for what I did. Anything that I have offered to them has been genuine and in a true concern for their situations. Yes I made a mistake...a big one! Is that going to re-define who I am? Everything else that I've done in 30+ years and in our time together is all meaningless and is going to be represented by an hour or so of misjudement? I'm not trying to sway you one way or another...whatever you feel, you feel...and I'll understand that.
Why? you ask...I'm not going to go there Honey, because whatever I say is going to come across as an excuse for my actions...there is none.
Why? you ask...I'm not going to go there Honey, because whatever I say is going to come across as an excuse for my actions...there is none.
I compliment you on your timing, IC. *sigh* Nothing that cries "double bind" as loudly as a spouse admitting to a ONS while undergoing chemo. There's a clean, self-righteous anger that a BS has every right to feel that your wife won't ever be able to feel when she needs it most, which is now. And just before Christmas, too. *double sigh*
Yes, it's good that you fessed up now. But you WILL have to go into the "why", even though you rightly say there is no real excuse for it. Tell her the "why" you believed then. And why the same why won't happen again, because .... fillintheblank.
You can't just skip over the explaining, dear. Sorry.
I compliment you on your timing, IC. *sigh* Nothing that cries "double bind" as loudly as a spouse admitting to a ONS while undergoing chemo. There's a clean, self-righteous anger that a BS has every right to feel that your wife won't ever be able to feel when she needs it most, which is now. And just before Christmas, too. *double sigh*
Southern Girl, Yes, the timing sucks. When is it ever NOT going to suck? I don't know the answers to these but...would it have been better to tell her right after, while we're in discussions about divorce? Or before she goes down south to help out her aging parents? Or when she comes home and we've begun putting the pieces of our marriage back together..rock the boat then? Or Thanksgiving? Or birthdays, anniversaries, Christmas...chemo? When is the opportune time to say "Oh by the way...I had a ONS with some woman at the bar?"
As for the "why?" This is a cop-out excuse in my book but if need be known...Because it was there! Something that wasn't happening at home was there in front of me. Was it what I wanted? For an ever slight moment, yea...I thought sex is what I wanted. I realized too late, that sex was not what I wanted...I wanted love and validation and thought sex would give me that...only one problem...I wanted love and validation from my wife.
You asked how I explain that it won't happen again because...fill in the blank. I don't know this answer. How do I build that shattered trust again...if I even can? There is no EA going on, or an ongoing PA where she can check my e-mail, check my phone, check my whereabouts...she has all that! I've never been in contact with this woman again, never wanted to! Southern Girl, Miss IC...I can't answer that question right now...I don't know. I know this means NOTHING to you right now, but the only thing I can say about it not happening again is how I feel right now and basically everyday since it happened...I know in my heart that this won't happen again, but like I said...this means nothing to you right now.
I know there is no excuse for IC's actions - and it hurts lile fcuk, but, if you can understand the 'why' you will hopefully see that it won't happen again.
My H's reasoning with me since his A is that now we are totally recommitted, and the M is good, there is no reason for him to lookk elsewhere. On top of that he has realised that what he did din't work as a salve for the pain he was feeling. He didn't learn as quickly as IC did that what he did made things worse, rather than better. It took 18 months of having an A before he realised.
Mrs IC, I am so sorry that this has happened. You read your H well. Remember that.
(((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))
Saffie me 46 H 46 M in 1986 D20,D18,S16,D13 H's A 01/05 to 07/06 H recommitted to M 07/06 renewed vows 09/06 Going from strength to strength
