Ive been struggling with sex problems with my fiance (now wife) for about 8 months now. I thought and hoped that her lack of interest in sex was just because of all the stress of the wedding planning. I hoped that once we were married that everything would come flooding back - it didnt. Weve been stuck in the blamce circle for months now. Almost as soon as I gave her the engagement ring our sex instantly dried up. We went from maybe once a week to maybe once a month, all through the engagement. I got distant, resentful, angry, hurt, rejected, etc. Now I am very distant and honestly I dont even imagine us having sex anymore. We have been married 6 weeks and weve had sex once 2 1/2 weeks ago, and on the first 2 days of our honeymoon in mid November. Before that its was steadly every 2 to 3 weeks, sometimes even 4 to 8 weeks. About 80% of those occasions she had been drinking. I got to the point where I would take her out drinking just so I could get some affection. I know it was wrong and ive since stopped. It got to the point though that we would have some drinks and instead of getting amorous she would get verbally abusive and snyde and sarcastic and hateful to me. The point is that ive tried to talk to her about it, ive bought books on relationships, ive bought toys and adult games to try and get us talkinng about it and ive tried to be more romantic and giving. She is just totally not interested. Any time i even try to bring up the subject she completely shuts down or we end up in a big fight where shes snyde and nasty. Last week was my 36th birthday and she took me out to dinner and bought me a nice gift. I was hoping that we would come home and have sex, I had looked forward to it all week. Instead we came home and she changed into the same t-shirt and sweatpants and went to bed (last year it was a teddy and thigh-hi's) So I come to bed and try to kiss her and she glazes over, shes done it many times, she'll look off to the side when I kiss her or not kiss me back. Ill ask her for a 'big' kiss, and she wont. After about 15 minutes of me trying to get something started she finally asked me "What is it exactly that youre trying to do?" I was stunned.. I said im trying to get something started. She responded by saying 'well if you wanted to have sex why didnt you just say so' and pulled her pants off. At that point I said just forget it. How can she be so insensative? Shes been so sexually insensative and downright mean about it for a long time now and its really affecting our relationship. Shes rejectful, she changes the rules, she says one thing but then does another. But then she says if I would just be more romantic shed open up to me again. So I try and I get criticized because it wasnt perfect - the music was wrong, the candles were wrong, I bought the wrong flowers, I should haev said this and not have said that... Besides that I dont really feel like being romantic and its so hard for me to say sweet romantic things when ive been repeatedly turned down and criticized. I just dont get it.. I bought The Sexless Marriage this weekend and ive been reading it. Im hoping that it makes a difference, but im thinking theres just been too much anger and resentment on both of our parts to salvage this, I think I made a big mistake.
