My point is, Why did Mr. go thru the fire the first time? It had to be something that was equal to the burn.
It was, he was in a Major Depression. As I've already stated, he felt like there was no other way out. He needed to escape. So he did. The weirdest part to me is he always treated me so well even right up to him leaving. Remember I told you we went for a walk holding hands and being so loving towards each other just days before the bomb. That is just him. I couldn't do that. He could. He says he realizes how F-ed up that was looking back but I still wonder if he is in that mode sometimes. It really f-ed up my own mind (which I obviously detest) but that is my issue now to manage.
Check out Michele's new book-just out! Sex Starved Wife (it is available on Amazon.com)...you are not alone, there are many marriages like yours. We also have some great coaches that work with individuals all the time to help them do things that can generate a different response from their partner. Let me know if I can give you further information.
Karen, Resource Coordinator The Divorce Busting Center 303-444-7004 karen@divorcebusting.com
Give me a call if you'd like to schedule an appointment to speak with a Divorce Busting® Coach.
Check out Michele's new book-just out! Sex Starved Wife (it is available on Amazon.com)...you are not alone, there are many marriages like yours. We also have some great coaches that work with individuals all the time to help them do things that can generate a different response from their partner. Let me know if I can give you further information.
Karen, Resource Coordinator The Divorce Busting Center 303-444-7004 karen@divorcebusting.com
Give me a call if you'd like to schedule an appointment to speak with a Divorce Busting® Coach.
Healthy young men do tend to physiologically want sex every few days at least. Question is what they do with that impulse. Suppress? Ignore? Turn to porn? Masturbate? What? Do you know what your h does with his?
I think I sort of answered this in oldtimer's thread. I think he mainly suppresses it. He says he masturbates very rarely and acts totally embarrassed when I ask him such questions. It's almost like he is embarrassed by being sexual.
It was a weak way for him to deal with his personal issues and it was a terribly bad thing for their marriage however I'm not sure, because LFL did not write it, that her H said that he was leaving because of her.
No he never once said he was leaving because of me and still to this day I think he puts the blame squarely on himself and his depression. Not that I believe he is all to blame. I don't. As I've already stated, I was not nice to him at times regarding the lack of sex. I've changed my ways in that department. We certainly don't fight about sex anymore. But...
"It's almost like he is embarrassed by being sexual."
Well, if you have any interest in trying it, my guess is that he'd probably be into being called a bad dirty little boy, tied up, made to play with his penis, spanked, blindfolded, and in general dominated by a woman who tells him exactly what to do, holds him down, and climbs on top for a rough ride, slapping him if he protests, and then comforting, praising, and reasurring him like a child after he climaxes.
Of course he has fantasies. He is too ashamed of them to share them. Asking him what he wants in this case is probably about as effective as a husband asking his wife if she fakes orgasms if she's been doing so for years. Neither is going to reveal their authentic sexual selves.
So, I figure you can give up or you can try playing out some really dirty fantasies (without asking really, though of course without genuine force).
Well, if you have any interest in trying it, my guess is that he'd probably be into being called a bad dirty little boy, tied up, made to play with his penis, spanked, blindfolded, and in general dominated by a woman who tells him exactly what to do, holds him down, and climbs on top for a rough ride, slapping him if he protests, and then comforting, praising, and reasurring him like a child after he climaxes.
If that is the case and his sexuality is strongly limited to being a submissive and it is also the case that LFL is mostly a submissive herself then how is that any different than if he was gay? Basically, they're gay for each other.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
Fantasies of submissive sex do not make a person gay. I think you need to read OT's post again.
And I don't think MJ was calling either one of you gay... what she was saying is that if both of you have a preference for being the 'submissive' one during sex, attraction for each other will be absent... kind of like having two positive charges, or two yin's...
you know... opposites attract... that doesn't mean you prefer women or he prefers men... it may mean that sexually, your male/female energies are not balanced.
There ARE men who very much enjoy assertive women, and having her lead the entire way through sex... and women who very much enjoy BEING the assertive one. That isn't bad... you just have to know what you like, and have to be honest in expressing it.
