Feeling mean is the issue, yes, and how it enters into her thinking AT ALL is THE PROBLEM. What perhaps Mo does not realize is that filing isn't being 'mean.' Standing up for herself and her children's rights isn't 'mean.'
Her being angry at her 2bx's card is completely appropriate. He's manipulating her AGAIN, and she's letting him get away with it AGAIN. There's all kinds of justifiable reasons to be angry there.
She wants him to stop being mean to her so she doesn't hurt any more. (Like I did with my Dad). It isn't right and men shouldn't behave like that. But he is. My Dad acts that way, too.
He isn't being mean because he is a mean, nasty person. He being mean because she has taught him that it is entirely OK to treat her that way.
My Dad has some very serious issues, yes. And I allowed his issues to become mine because I just wanted to be loved by my Dad. I am sure he loves me in his own way, but not in any way I'd ever describe as healthy.
And now it's okay because I can/do stand up for myself, because I love and respect myself enough for both me AND him. I don't NEED his love. But I sure as heck need my own...
