OTOH, maybe that's what's making you so angry ....
Right. That's why I compared it to a booty call. It's like he's looking for a little sumthin'sumthin' from the cow for old times sake or something like that. It really makes me angry at myself because it's a clear reflection of how wimpy I was in relationship to him, just like how getting sexual booty call makes me angry for being thought of as such a pushover.
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
I agree it has no practical value either way. From a moral standpoint: If you want to be nice file for child support. Not filing says "you're such a loser that it's pointless". Filing gives him a wee bit of respect.
It's definitely meaner not to file. Which is totally up to you, because he'd deserve it.
I highly doubt that filing for child support garnishment will be the magic charm that will cause PAL Peter Pan to transform into Super Alpha Man and, obviously, there is no reason in the world why I should give a cr*p what effect it has on his functioning one way or the other.
Huh? Who said you were doing it for him? It isn't ABOUT him, for ONCE. It's about YOU. It's about YOUR KIDS. I don't CARE if he doesn't want to be accountable for his actions, but that sure as he!! does not mean that YOU or YOUR KIDS have to be.
I gotta tell ya, Mo, your unwillingness to file is really perplexing to me, and could possibly be, THE crux of the problems.
I don't mean to land on you, honey, I know how hard it is, how much it hurts... good lord, I could write a book on it and cry 15 oceans of tears...
I'm just saying... you really, really have to do this for yourself and for your kids. For no other reason than to heal. If you don't want to, I'd very seriously examine it.
I agree it has no practical value either way. From a moral standpoint: If you want to be nice file for child support. Not filing says "you're such a loser that it's pointless". Filing gives him a wee bit of respect.
It's definitely meaner not to file. Which is totally up to you, because he'd deserve it.
I so disagree... and there is an entire federal support system that disagrees with you as well. Who the FCK cares if this guy feels respectable, or justified, or whatever, or not???
Are you pissed at your dad for never standing up for himself to your mother?
And are you pissed at your mother for not recognizing that your dad was a good man at heart, and she should have loved him for being so, instead of grinding him into the ground in front of one and all?
I so disagree... and there is an entire federal support system that disagrees with you as well. Who the FCK cares if this guy feels respectable, or justified, or whatever, or not???
Oh, I totally think she should file. But if feeling "mean" is what's keeping her, I actually think she'd be doing him a favor, in the long run. But yes, totally file.
Mojo, I think you don't want to file because you initiated the breakup. Even though you didn't leave, you're the one who made it happen. I think it's guilt and wanting to be a nice gal, and just not wanting to deal with him, or take the trouble. Also you're thinking there will be the lawyer's expense and you still might not get the $$. Research this and see if there is an agency that can help you. Hairdog, where should she go for info? You really ought to go after the child support, and I think you know it.
Feeling mean is the issue, yes, and how it enters into her thinking AT ALL is THE PROBLEM. What perhaps Mo does not realize is that filing isn't being 'mean.' Standing up for herself and her children's rights isn't 'mean.'
Her being angry at her 2bx's card is completely appropriate. He's manipulating her AGAIN, and she's letting him get away with it AGAIN. There's all kinds of justifiable reasons to be angry there.
She wants him to stop being mean to her so she doesn't hurt any more. (Like I did with my Dad). It isn't right and men shouldn't behave like that. But he is. My Dad acts that way, too.
He isn't being mean because he is a mean, nasty person. He being mean because she has taught him that it is entirely OK to treat her that way.
My Dad has some very serious issues, yes. And I allowed his issues to become mine because I just wanted to be loved by my Dad. I am sure he loves me in his own way, but not in any way I'd ever describe as healthy.
And now it's okay because I can/do stand up for myself, because I love and respect myself enough for both me AND him. I don't NEED his love. But I sure as heck need my own...
Corri - I gotta tell ya, Mo, your unwillingness to file is really perplexing to me, and could possibly be, THE crux of the problems.
What is the problem you see here? (ETA: Okay I saw the follow up. The problem is that Mojo is "afraid" to be mean?? While I agree that's probably true from what she described and how she doesn't want to act like her mom, that doesn't necessarily mean that the reason she isn't filing is because she's afraid of being mean. There could be other reasons for not wanting to file for CS. Although you all might be right )
I guess I feel like I completely understand Mojo's actions although her reasoning might be different than mine would be. The practical matter is that there is very little money to be gained for her.
On top of it, it sure looks like Mojo is in a position of strength while her PAL 2bx is weak. So what's the point in showing her strength? She already knows she's stronger than him AND there's just not much financial point to child support. Plus to be honest she probably should watch out for him possibly looking for alimony. (I don't know Michigan's laws but in Ohio that would be a concern) If he's as much of a PAL as he appears to be, I doubt he'd have any problem with that.
Mojo, Check out this calculator if you haven't already.
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