H said our M is "platonic"

[fearless]

SG,

Your post to Blackfoot last night describing how you saw LFL's H's behavior in leaving during their separation is a little different than my impression of his leaving. I'm also not sure that I agree that LFL's problem with her H's leaving is the same problem you are seeing. Meaning that I think you are stressing the feelings of abandonment and betrayal - is this a correct impression?

My impression was that her H was suffering personal issues - depression, etc., had rented an apartment without letting LFL know and THEN moved out after LFL confronted him after her discovery of money withdrawn. It was a weak way for him to deal with his personal issues and it was a terribly bad thing for their marriage however I'm not sure, because LFL did not write it, that her H said that he was leaving because of her.

She did say that:

"He says he just fell into a depression and running was the only solution he could see in his fogged mind. That whole thing hurts more than out entire SSM issues. He changed as a man in my eyes that day and may be the crux of the problems now."

So my impression was that she viewed/views him as a weak man that could not handle his issues in a strong manner. She seemed more bothered by his act of running away than a feeling of desertion. See:

Mojo: It is one thing for a man to signal "I'm not feeling very manly right now and you aren't helping." It's another thing for a man to signal "I'm not willing to be the man."

LFL: Nicely put.
And when H left he clearly signaled the latter. Yuck.
If he had chosen for former before he jumped ship, we might not be where we are today.

Because my perspective is naturally biased and jaded due to my background, I actually view LFL's H as much stronger than she views him. I keep thinking "I wish to hell my XH had been strong enough to just get away BY HIMSELF when he felt 'I'm not willing to be the man' rather than signal intense weakness and succumb to OW." Or to put it more crudely, I wish my XH had had the guts to run away on his own rather than f*cking OW. But that's just me.

What I am most curious about with LFL is to know if she understands why her H's weakness is so problematic for her.

I knew my XH had weakness for attention and validation from women and it wasn't attractive to me but for whatever reason it was also something I could deal with too. His other characteristics were more than able to overcome that significant "turn-off." I guess I didn't define him by his weakness??

Anyway... if you're reading LFL, I've hesitated to post to you. I really worry that you are throwing away a marriage that is very salvageable and breaking up your family. But I also know that you are taking this seriously and in the end I am sure that you will try everything you can before you give up.