well, I've been sick. I haven't had a voice in about 4 days. All sunday I stayed in bed and slept.
Some things have changed, some things have not. LIke H still goes grocery shopping and comes home with no food that anyone else really likes. No milk, cheese, bread, butter.... just frozen sh!t or premade crap. I'm sick and he bought soup- but no chicken noodle. How's that for thinking??????
So tonight I"m going grocery shopping.
He took S shopping for pants since S has grown and doesn't have much that fits. I gave him $50 and he bought S 2 pairs of pants. That's it. 2 pair. I took D shopping for clothes the next night and she got 4 pairs of pants, 2 shirts and one sweater. I mean really- 2 pair????
He did laundry and piled it in the chair. No folding. Just dumping. So now I have to iron my jeans and my shirts.
In all honesty- he still thinks he's helping and doing a good job and he can't understand why I now have to go shopping or don't appreciate what he has done.
He still does not get it. He says he wants to help and feels like with all that I work, he should be doing more-- and he should-- I just wish he would do it with quality and care instead of half assed.
When life gives you lemons, trade them for limes and break out the tequila!!-- Soxfan2007
7/1/05 Bomb 7/20/05 H moves out 2.5 years of Rollercoaster 10/30/07 H moves back home
Sox, Be careful. You want to reward H's helpful behavior, and shape it so that he's helping in the way that you need.
Does he need specific instructions? My W had to give me instruction recently on how to clean a bathtub, so that it met her standards. I now use a brush to clean the tub, and it looks better than when I used a sponge. I needed instruction.
She wants me to vacuum the hardwood floors instead of dustmopping them. I didn't know that dustmopping left dirt on the floor.
My W is more attuned to these things for whatever reason. She sometimes thinks that I'm "half-assing" it. It hurts my feelings when she says that, because I'm trying to be helpful in the way I know how. If she wants something done in a specific manner, she needs to give me specific instructions.
Communicate to your H in a way that shows appreciation for his sincere efforts, and give specific instruction so that he meets your expectations.
CL
CL 53 W 54 M 20 yrs. 03'-09' Separation + Old Patterns + GAL 10-14' Piecing
"The Master allows things to happen. She shapes events as they come."
see, now that's what I've done in the past. And H's response is that my expectations are too high, that his way is just fine, and he's an adult.
I grew up in a house with a mother who did phung shway (Horrible spelling of that- had to go phonetic) before it was cool to do it. I am in total need of order.
Take last night- I went grocery shopping and walked into the kitchen with 5 bags in hand and arm- he had mail and sh!t all over the place- so here I am standing with heavy bags and no where to put them down. (Kitchen is too small to put them on the floor- they'd block the way and I'd have no where to step).
That bugs the crap out of me. No matter how many times I ask him to move the mail, or not leave his stuff on the counters, or even nicely say that the counter is not where mail belongs- it will still be put there- because he is an adult and he can do it.
See my problem?
When life gives you lemons, trade them for limes and break out the tequila!!-- Soxfan2007
7/1/05 Bomb 7/20/05 H moves out 2.5 years of Rollercoaster 10/30/07 H moves back home
Sox, Yes, I see the problem. His behavior sounds possibly passive-aggressive, and certainly disrespectful. It sounds like you can't expect him to work with you on these issues. You're going to have to figure-out how to keep your home organized to your standards on your own.
He is making a mistake if he's hoping to Piece together your R. Discounting your needs isn't the way to go.
CL
CL 53 W 54 M 20 yrs. 03'-09' Separation + Old Patterns + GAL 10-14' Piecing
"The Master allows things to happen. She shapes events as they come."
thanks. It's the same with phone cords, ipod cords, laptop cords, tv cords, shoes, jackets, books, magazines, pillows, blankets, pens, sticky notes (on the dresser no less!!), Xbox controllers and games, CD's, DVD's...
When life gives you lemons, trade them for limes and break out the tequila!!-- Soxfan2007
7/1/05 Bomb 7/20/05 H moves out 2.5 years of Rollercoaster 10/30/07 H moves back home
Oh Sox, who would have thought 12 months ago that your biggest dillema would be K's cleanliness and organizational skills. Sometimes the things that matter, don't really matter.... no what I mean?
Anyway, just stopped by to say merry xmas sweetie.... hang in there.
Actually, I would have thought it. It has always been a problem and I see that as meeting one of my needs- one that he never has-- instead he mocks it- and uses it to intentionally hurt me.
So yes, in this household it matters. And it's disrupting my life when I can't find what I need because he moves it all around or never puts it back.
I actually find myself less happy and content now than I was 3 months ago.
When life gives you lemons, trade them for limes and break out the tequila!!-- Soxfan2007
7/1/05 Bomb 7/20/05 H moves out 2.5 years of Rollercoaster 10/30/07 H moves back home
Sox, but you knew this already. Did you expect that to magically change? K is and has always been disrespectful of your quirkiness (nice word huh?) Why would you expect this to change without some major convesrations regarding it. Is he being thoughtful of you at least, I hope so......
