Wife Wants a Seperation...Now What?

[houndfan]

During my brief yet very painful seperation I think I read that post everyday, several times a day. I can not say for sure that it has enabled me to come home and try to piece with W, but it was encouraging nonetheless.

On to your sitch.... the one thing that I know for certain is Michelle's suggestion to not believe what is said and limited belief in actions.

Here is the thing, she is confused, upset, in pain yada yada. Those are her feelings and you CAN NOT argue with them. Agree, validate and support her position.

Secondly, accept that D is a possible outcome of your sitch. Run to the hills and cry and let the pain come through and then get to a point of acceptance that D is possible!!!!! Once you have done that confirm to your W that you agree that D is a possible outcome. This will immediately disarm her. It is not to say that it will change her thoughts but at the very least it will be disarming to her.

I can not tell you how quickly things started to change for me when I did those two things. Yes, I am not physically seperated from my W and family. However, I think that there is still some degree of emotional seperation in my sitch so I also do not think that we are piecing yet. But, we are much closer to R now than 1 month ago! And it was due to the above.

STEP 1 - Accept that D is a possible outcome.
STEP 2 - Confirm that with your spouse.

Don't push on anything else right now and do not dwell on either of the above. i.e. don't have a long drawn out conversation about it. Just say, "I'm understand that we MAY get a D, but I am not going to give up." that's it nothing else has to be said.

As far as counseling etc. I will again say that at the beginning my W said that there was no way she was doing anything for our M and that it was over. She did not want MC and was only willing to goto mediation. Well, she is still not saying that she is working on anything, but she goes to MC and holds me accountable to work on the exercises etc from our sessions.

Don't believe what they say and little of what they do. Work on yourself....