Love, PAIN and the Whole Crazy Thing

[mcol]

Ok...now on to new business...thanks for staying with me...

Quote:

How can I still bring her back from the brink but tell her she needs to stop turning to OM for emotional support and turn to me when we have a hard time getting through to each other on the phone?

You stop "going wobbly" every-other day, and you fight for your marriage and your family. You make her make a choice. Yeah, right now, if you made her make it today, it may not be you. But divorces take time, and that choice won't be made today. They take months, even years if they're contested, depending on what state you live in. During those months, you have a chance eto demonstrate to her what she would be losing, and to work on YOU.

Choc..you are spot on man. I was so upset at how I had backslid that I wrote four page letter to her today (not sent) that basically stated if she wanted out she could go and that I can not expend any further energy trying to save a grasp for someone who has written me off (abridged). Maybe I will post it...then again maybe not.

One of my bigger fears is walking off the plane and getting served, even though my lawyer says that these proceedings can be delayed. In the midst of all the other adjusting I am preparing to do (job, home, ex military) I do not want to have to throw in court appointments, attorney time and money.

Quote:
She also told me that she felt like I was snooping because i was asking about her online friends. I was not trying to snoop but this was my way of trying to understand the new herand relate to some of the stuff she is going through.


Um, you ASKED her if she felt like you were snooping. You need to stop apologizing, placating, supplicating, and overall asking her permission to be YOU and to feel what YOU are feeling. You are human, a man who loves his wife and his family. A flawed man, surely (we all are), but you are responding to your wife's decision to become at LEAST emotionally involved with another man (and I suspect that it's also physical). Frankly, she's lucky you're still talking to her at all.

I have decided to go dark with her for the next couple of days. It is very hard because I will want to talk to the kids but I know she may answer the phone. I will simply ask to speak to them and not engage her in any convo at all. I am just too pissed right now to talk to her.

I would recommend having some new, hard evidence in hand before you confront her with that.

You had mentioned a keylogger but how do i get that installed on her laptop/desktop when I am over here? You can send me an email on [e-mail] for this one.

Listen, this DBing is a friggin technique. All of us would like to believe that our sitches don't fit the mold. The mold, after all, sucks. Your R (and its current issues), unfortunately, isn't so unique that it doesn't fit the mold. To that end, read and pay attention to what people are telling you -- they are not emotionally connected to your sitch and can give you a lot of very credible, objective information.

Flygirl...thanks for staying with me and understanding my code. I am so thankful for the help of those on here who are objectively looking at this sitch...THANK YOU!!!! I am all ears and ready to bust this thing...and OM nose but that is another story or entry.