Time for honesty & truth for a new beginning pt 2

[phbear316]

Jeanette

How did your appointment go? Fine i hope

I have to really just wait on him, i can change in the meantime, but h needs to lets say catch up to me. I think he is just beginning to feel the hurt he has caused.

I hurt for him too, but i cannot help him with this he has to deal with it himself. I am here if he needs me, but there is nothing i can say to him, or try to show him how to deal with it. H has to see his mistakes and see the hurt he has caused me and himself.

I just hope and pray that deep down he feels our love and hears my voice of peace and calm. There is no anger in me for right now. Right now all i feel for him is pain, he could be putting on a really great act of trying to show me he is in all this pain, but it is his act not mine.

I just keep going over and over in my mind on how do i do this the right way, how do not push him away.

Just hoping for a sign, and i have to take every little breadcrumb that comes my way.

Like h did say he did have xmas gift for me, i did not want anything just for us to start working on us, but now i don't feel so bad about not going real shopping for him, i am happy with the gift cards, and the shadowbox i am going to make for him. H even said to me yesterday h was bringing a certain carry on bag with him because it expands if i need to bring home gifts and things that i buy. I don't know makes me think he will be going shopping down there, again not hoping for nothing, not even a card. Trust me

(hugs)
bear