In your case, I now understand why you are getting held up... so do you... in which case... I'd ask your lioness... how bad do you want to end this? When you know, you know... and that will become your focus and you will figure it out. Period. But just because you might NOT know doesn't mean you are broken. It just means you aren't ready. And that's okay.
Okay, a couple things are evident. First off, clearly I have no respect for my 2bx or else I would be hassling him for child support. Secondly, I think I have repressed my lioness for reasons along the lines of I believe the old saying that "living well is the best revenge" and I don't want to be vengeful because I model myself after my nice guy father because I fear being like my lioness/monkey mother. I can't help being monkey because both my mother and my father were pretty monkey. But I repress my lioness because I view my mother as an amoral, irresponsible, money-driven ball-buster and I can't imagine how any man on the planet could possibly be attracted to me if I act like her. Also, I am driven to date exactly the opposite man from the one she would choose for me. The one she would choose for me would be somebody with a lot of money and a strong compulsion to make his MIL very comfortable in her old age - lol. The funny thing is that my 2bx actually had a certain amount of respect for my mother and when I told GP what I thought were some horrific stories about her, he just cracked up laughing.
I think I might have posted this before but not too long ago my mother told me the following anecdote. She and my father were having one of their screaming fights and she said to him "I know that you would never hit me." and my father replied "Yeah, I would never hit you because then I would have to worry about you stabbing me to death in my sleep." My mother thought this was a very funny story and I could tell that she was proud of the fact that my father thought she was capable of such behavior.
Anyway, the fact that I do indeed have a lioness is evident in certain aspects of what I enjoy about my business. It is really very actively competitive. My sister has on occasion said things to me like "I think the other dealers don't like us because we do so well at the sales." to which I have replied "It's not our fault that we are better than them. We can be friendly but they aren't our friends."
"Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?" - Mary Oliver
