sgc - no i cant imaginge my D smoking - your right - i quit smoking years ago but the minute my H dropped the bomb thats what I went for. I dont want to be a smoker and will be quitting - i just dont have the will power right now. Yesterday was a very diffucult day - i dont know why - I guess now that I realize I have to move on and GAL I have to realize I need to let go - since we have little contact H and I - its really out of my hands - so spent whole day crying on and off but feeling more together now and promising myself to exercise today - go for a walk and smoke less. question for everybody out there going dark - when you have to email for visitation - do you act cold and to the point or flippant and happy? I know only to email about visitation but I get confused if I'm too curt H will see me a cold and negative - then if I'm friendly but not too friendly will he read into that as just another ploy to get him back since I begged so much in the beginning. Example: Offered H to see D over xmas to take her out for few hours (he wont come in house)- said I dont want you to feel that you cant see Isabella over holidays so let me know if you want to -thanks - H emails back THankyou I would and I want to drop her xmas presents off on Sunday if I could. I email back "ok" with no greeting - nothing - because I was trying to distance myself but then thought just emailing one word sounds like I'm pissed off? I know it sounds trivial but our M if anything is left is hanging by a thread and I dont want to push him even farther than he is if there is the slightest chance he may change his mind.Since email is my only contact I want to convey I have moved on but not push farther. How do I act when he drops off presents - uninterested and reserved? or happy and nonchalant? Any suggestions? Thanks (I know my question seems the opposite of what I said that I know I need to move on and let go which I will work on - but at the same time do not want to do anymore damage and solidify in his mind the image he has of me of the nagging, always diagreeing with him negative pathetic begging wife)
